{"id":2345,"date":"2017-05-22T03:33:33","date_gmt":"2017-05-22T08:33:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/?p=2345"},"modified":"2017-05-22T08:08:46","modified_gmt":"2017-05-22T13:08:46","slug":"how-to-dress-your-identity-message","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/how-to-dress-your-identity-message\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Dress Your Identity &#038; Message"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>If you think you know what fashion is, Toi Sweeney is going to blow your mind in this interview. This interview isn&#8217;t about superficial tips to be sure other people like how you look, oh no! In fact, this is what I said in the middle of the interview:<\/p>\n<p><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"wp-image-2359 alignright\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-22-7-e1495455953558-768x1024.jpeg?resize=306%2C408\" alt=\"\" width=\"306\" height=\"408\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-22-7-e1495455953558.jpeg?resize=768%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-22-7-e1495455953558.jpeg?resize=225%2C300&amp;ssl=1 225w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-22-7-e1495455953558.jpeg?resize=760%2C1013&amp;ssl=1 760w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-22-7-e1495455953558.jpeg?resize=300%2C400&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-22-7-e1495455953558.jpeg?resize=82%2C109&amp;ssl=1 82w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-22-7-e1495455953558.jpeg?resize=600%2C800&amp;ssl=1 600w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-22-7-e1495455953558.jpeg?w=1520 1520w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-22-7-e1495455953558.jpeg?w=2280 2280w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 306px) 100vw, 306px\" \/>&#8220;People are going to you for fashion tips, but what you&#8217;re giving them is <em>identity<\/em>.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>In the first few minutes you get to hear us discuss our experience of working with each other when I went to Philadelphia to get styling assistance from Toi. It was a blast and I am sure you&#8217;re going to love this interview with author and stylist Toi Sweeney.<\/p>\n<p>Mentioned in this episode:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/itunes.apple.com\/us\/book\/secrets-of-a-well-dressed-brand\/id1236333173?mt=11\">Secrets of a Well Dressed Brand (book &#8211; FIND IT HERE)<\/a>\u00a0In Chapter 8, Toi discusses the process of developing a &#8220;look&#8221; for me (Andrea) that expresses who I am and what I want to say while fitting my personality, comfort level, skin and body type. It&#8217;s quite the process!<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/toisweeney.com\">www.toisweeney.com<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Toi on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/toisweeney\/\">Instagram<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/toisweeneycom-1627734410781190\/?pnref=about.overview\">Facebook<\/a> &amp;<a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/sweeneytoi\"> Twitter<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.lpages.co\/fascinate-advantage\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Fascinate Advantage Assessment<br \/>\n<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>Listen here, on <a href=\"http:\/\/www.stitcher.com\/s?fid=135618&amp;refid=stpr\">Stitcher<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/itunes.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/voiceofinfluences-podcast\/id1223799516\">iTunes<\/a><\/h2>\n<p>Thank you for rating, reviewing and subscribing!<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"border: none;\" src=\"\/\/html5-player.libsyn.com\/embed\/episode\/id\/5365687\/height\/90\/width\/640\/theme\/custom\/autonext\/no\/thumbnail\/yes\/autoplay\/no\/preload\/no\/no_addthis\/no\/direction\/backward\/render-playlist\/no\/custom-color\/ad2c30\/\" width=\"640\" height=\"90\" scrolling=\"no\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-2346\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Sweeney-FB-ad.png?resize=745%2C414\" alt=\"\" width=\"745\" height=\"414\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Sweeney-FB-ad.png?w=810&amp;ssl=1 810w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Sweeney-FB-ad.png?resize=300%2C167&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Sweeney-FB-ad.png?resize=768%2C427&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Sweeney-FB-ad.png?resize=760%2C422&amp;ssl=1 760w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Sweeney-FB-ad.png?resize=518%2C288&amp;ssl=1 518w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Sweeney-FB-ad.png?resize=82%2C46&amp;ssl=1 82w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Sweeney-FB-ad.png?resize=600%2C333&amp;ssl=1 600w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 745px) 100vw, 745px\" \/><\/p>\n<h2><a href=\"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.lpages.co\/creative-content-consulting\/\"><span style=\"color: #800000;\"><strong>If you are interested in learning more about your own identity, message and business, check out my one to one offerings here.<\/strong><\/span><\/a><\/h2>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> Toi Sweeney, welcome to the Voice of Influence Podcast.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> Thank you so much for having me. I\u2019m so excited to be speaking with you today.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>: I don\u2019t think we\u2019ve talked since we did shop, since you shopped for me in Philadelphia.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> It was so much fun. It was so much fun.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>: Oh my goodness. Well, we\u2019re going to tell everybody about that but first, let\u2019s tell the Influencer listening where we met, shall we? Do you want to do the honors?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi: <\/strong>Oh my goodness, sure. So we met in the Fascinate Advantage advisors\u2019 group. We were two of what maybe like 14 exceptional leaders that are in that advisory group and it was really, really, really fantastic\u2026fascinating I might say.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea: <\/strong>Indeed, always. And if you\u2019ve been listening to the podcast for a while, you\u2019ll know that sometimes I talk about this Fascinate Assessment because it is something that I use to help me understand people\u2019s voices, to understand what they\u2019re communicating and how they\u2019re communicating that to the world and how other people perceive them. It just seems like a really powerful tool. Have you used it a lot with your clients and other people since we took the class, Toi?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> Honestly, since I\u2019m finishing my book, I hadn\u2019t use it that much as I would like. So I was really excited about meeting you and then being able to communicate that because you were kind of helping to test drive my big idea about how I would use it on my clients. And so as you\u2019ve been probably talking about on your podcast with all of the different archetypes you know if you are Maverick Leader and I\u2019m the kind of or whatever then what is that look like when it comes to your <strong>real<\/strong> identities. So I really wanted to play around with that a little bit more and you gave me the opportunity to do that so that\u2019s why I have to make sure I thank you wholeheartedly for that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> Oh my goodness. Yeah, it was a real privilege. So after we met in this Fascinate course which was a virtual thing, we actually got on the phone and talked about business and Toi\u2019s book that is out now. And we were talking about these things and then she started talking about branding and possibility of using me as an example. So I was all about that because I\u2019m somebody who, I so want\u2026you know, Toi, I really want to express who I am on inside and let that come out but at the same time, I\u2019ve been hiding it for a long time.<\/p>\n<p>So when I found out that my archetype for the Fascinate Assessment was the Maverick Leader and that\u2019s innovation plus power which means the language of creativity plus the language of leadership, that wasn\u2019t was I was expecting. And I think I have been softening my voice and my self-expression for long because I don\u2019t want to appear too bossy, you know, powerful I guess. So when I took the assessment and that\u2019s what came out, and I was like \u201cOh my goodness, I\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And I started looking at myself and my clothing, and I already knew that I wasn\u2019t very trendy but fashionable. But I mean, you know, I walked in to this shop with you, you had already\u2026.anyway, when I walked in, I had on very blend clothing. I had tennis shoes, jeans and this very plain like navy blue shirt.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> And that was okay.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> Yeah, it was okay.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> You haven\u2019t had the Toi Sweeney experience yet.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> No.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> So that was okay.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>: Yeah, but when you looked at that, it communicates a different message than probably what my voice really communicates which is that creativity and leadership and it wasn\u2019t very powerful image, my clothing. So anyway, Toi ended up going through process with me ahead of time that helped her identify some things about how she wanted to help me convey who I am. So Toi, why don\u2019t you tell us a little bit about what you did?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi: <\/strong>Well, the first thing that we talked about was I wanted to talk to you about your mission. We talked about your vision. We talked about your values, you core values, your perceived value and all of those things and then what\u2019s more important to me was just a little a little talk about your image where you are versus where you want to be. And isn\u2019t just the way every aspect of our lives are so we want to be here but we\u2019re actually over here.<\/p>\n<p><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\" wp-image-2361 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-21-3-e1495456179267-768x1024.jpeg?resize=532%2C709\" alt=\"\" width=\"532\" height=\"709\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-21-3-e1495456179267.jpeg?resize=768%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-21-3-e1495456179267.jpeg?resize=225%2C300&amp;ssl=1 225w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-21-3-e1495456179267.jpeg?resize=760%2C1013&amp;ssl=1 760w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-21-3-e1495456179267.jpeg?resize=300%2C400&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-21-3-e1495456179267.jpeg?resize=82%2C109&amp;ssl=1 82w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-21-3-e1495456179267.jpeg?resize=600%2C800&amp;ssl=1 600w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-21-3-e1495456179267.jpeg?w=1520 1520w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-21-3-e1495456179267.jpeg?w=2280 2280w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 532px) 100vw, 532px\" \/>And so once we kind of talked about those things, I think and pictures. So as you were talking to me, I was listening and kind of formulate in my head what I think you should look like. Then as per the usual with my clients, I give them my style test which is just kind of tell me to pick the right items off the rack, which is going to tell me that you like separates\u00a0over dresses.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s going to tell me you know your level of comfort if you prefer sneakers or strappy sandals that when you walk into the room, do you care more about being powerful? Do you care more about being innovative? Do you care more about being comfortable at the end of the day, because if you\u2019re not comfortable then if you\u2019re speaking in front of a crowd obviously, right then you\u2019re not going to be your best self. And my greatest intention is to always lead you better than I found you. And not knowing necessarily in a negative way but just like, you know, I want to do my part to encourage and inspire you as well.<\/p>\n<p>And so we just talked about all of those things, and so we did your style test and it just revealed that you really love feeling in being effortless. There\u2019s a level of comfort there but at the end of the day, you want to be powerful but you also really want to be very comfortable. So we decided that we\u2019re going to give you a very effortless style but that speaks to the Fascinate, you are an innovative leader and that you are very creative. If anyone has ever had the opportunity and the privilege to speak with you regarding your business, you have ideas. I tell you, you\u2019re doing this all the time.<\/p>\n<p>And so I wanted to take all of those things and just really incorporate it into your look and so that\u2019s what we did. So after that when we hang up the phone, I looked at your skin color, your eye color, and your current hair color and I looked at the colors that were going suit you best. I think I reached back out to you and said the most important question \u201cWhat do you wanna say, what do you want to say?\u201d You know, because you can do all those things and what\u2019s a normal image consultant would do.<\/p>\n<p>So all of those things are as for normal, but for me I took that all information and I felt through it through your brand and I felt through your Fascinate Advantage and then I helped you kind of create this unicorn if you will that looks so\u2026 I mean, if anybody have seen the after pictures that was so effortless and it looked like it took no time. But honestly, it was a lot of work, right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> For you\u2026 I thought it was pretty effortless myself.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> Which is should be for my client. Yeah, it was effortless. You show up and everything is done for you.\u00a0You just tried things on and when we\u2019re kind of we\u2019re through what we\u2019re going to purchase and why we\u2019re going to purchase it. And then we grouped it all together and then you were pretty much finished unless the next step is that you\u2019re travelling and have a big event and then I\u2019ll come over and you know how to get packed and put some different outfits and stuff together.<\/p>\n<p>So that\u2019s the main thing that kind of sets me apart from other fashion stylist and other image consultants is that I care so deeply about your voice and the message that you\u2019re conveying. And you know, you really, really walk into a room and before you say one word, people want to get to know you. You are so fascinating in the sense that they come over to you. So you don\u2019t have a message that you go over to them, because it is the conversation piece like \u201cOh, I like that jacket. Oh I like\u2026you know whatever.\u201d It\u2019s just that I really want you to be able to walk into the room, feel your absolute best and crush it and I think you did that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> Oh my goodness, yes. So I\u2019ll share my perspective as somebody coming in. I travelled a long way to get to Philadelphia, which was amazing and I walked in and you brought me into this dressing room that was huge and there\u2019s clothes, like so many clothes lining the walls already. She\u2019d done all this work previous to me coming. So all she had me in the nerve. She was on the floor, so she started having me tries things on and I think it was maybe the second thing I tried on. I was just like my whole being in countenance and everything sort of lifted because I was like \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi: <\/strong> And I was nervous because you were saying anything at last. I was thinking \u201cOh man, I might have messed this one up.\u201d And you looked in so cute and you were looking at the mirror and you were smiling and you started giggling. You have my favorite laugh in the world and you started laughing and you like \u201cYeah.\u201d And I was like \u201cYou like it?\u201d And you like \u201cYeah, I like it a lot.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> Oh my goodness. I could not believe what I was looking at the mirror.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi: <\/strong>It was great!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> It was. People have asked me since then you know, \u201cWould you have picked these clothes off the rack?\u201d And I said \u201cNo, I wouldn\u2019t have because first of all I don\u2019t know anything about fashion. But second of all, even if you told me there was this big line up of things that were fashionable; I wouldn\u2019t have the guts to pick up stuff off the rack because I just don\u2019t feel confident in my ability, first of all. But also just understanding the fashion, understanding what fits me like I wouldn\u2019t have known, you know. I just wouldn\u2019t have known.<\/p>\n<p>And so when I put it on, it was so different than anything else that I owned and then you put shoes on me and different pair of pants and what not, and I just about fell over. Because I was like \u201cOh my gosh.\u201d And there was this one girl that I had in mind but she\u2019s in her 20s and she\u2019s the cutest little thing and I saw myself in the mirror and I\u2019m like \u201cI\u2019m just like her. I look like her,\u201d and I\u2019ve been admiring her and her style for so long and I\u2019m like \u201cOh my gosh.\u201d You just said to me, years have fallen off of you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> Yeah, I mean there are so many A-ha moments in that fitting room, you know. I think that we walked away with you looking a lot younger. The most important thing that I do for my clients and then I stressed in my book is that \u201cYou wanna look relevant.\u201d So it\u2019s not about the trends. When we were picking items, we don\u2019t mean a $5,000 dress or a $2,000 shirt or anything crazy like that. It wasn\u2019t this like costume made pieces. It was really, really about at the end of the day making you look longer, you know less essentially the parts of our bodies that we love until we can work on the other stuff. We might want to talk some stuff a week for now.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>: Yeah exactly.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> You know, we talked about\u2026and we did that. And so I was saying you know, \u201cSee the difference if you put this top on?\u201d And then you took it here and we tied it there. If you\u2019re like me that tend to gain weight in your belly, you know, I know how to make myself look long and lean because I\u2019m only 5\u20193\u201d. And so it was just manipulating basic, classic, beautiful clothing just to make you look your best and then adding the right accessories.<\/p>\n<p>And so you showed up and looked like you came to shut it down. I have to tell you what blown me away the most about the shop, it wasn\u2019t what we did in the fitting room but I have to tell you like the next day, we shoot some pictures and we did all that stuff but it was after everything was completely finished.<\/p>\n<p>And you could have put back on your clothing that you travelled in and you didn&#8217;t. And you put on this gorgeous denim top, which was a basic denim top and I was like \u201cWe\u2019re not doing the button-down.\u201d We ended up doing like more of a pull over because button-downs for anybody is they\u2019re very difficult to wear. And you saw that because they tend to open, if you have to put it down and if you don\u2019t have the fattest belly then it folds there.<\/p>\n<p>So you put that on, you put your new jeans on and you had your new fashionable sneakers on, because again, it was your style about effortless and it was very polished and it was powerful in the sense. And you looked a million dollar and all you were wearing was like denim on\u00a0denim look. You know what I mean, like were sitting in a restaurant and having brunch and I\u2019m looking around and I was like \u201cDoes she owns this restaurant?\u201d You looked like you belong there.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> Yeah, my confidence level just walking into that nice little restaurant that we went to, I mean, it was just so different. Even the shoes that I was wearing, I always wear tennis shoes because my feet hurt all the time. But you got me shoes, you found me shoes that didn\u2019t hurt my feet but was cute and that\u2019s what\u2026 So anyway, walking in this different kind of shoes and let alone the hair and makeup and the clothing, I felt so much more\u2026I just felt like I was standing in my power.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi: <\/strong>You looked fabulous. I mean, it was so obvious. And I just kept saying like \u201cLook at her, look at her confidence.\u201d I mean the way you sat or everything. You spoke differently.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> I did.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi: <\/strong>I mean everything about you completely blown me away and I mean it wholeheartedly. I was in awe of what we accomplished. I really, really was and then you went to read your post afterwards and I just like you know, I got to see this like 5-year-old giddy little girl giggling in the fitting room and you walked out this fabulous woman that looked like she was so ready to take on the world. It was awesome. It was so awesome.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea: <\/strong>Yeah and it was wild. I got a speaking gig like the next week at a conference and I was \u201cOh my gosh, I have my weeks\u2019 worth of clothing and I\u2019m gonna rock it.\u201d I just felt so amazing just knowing that I was prepared in that way so that I could bring my best. I honestly, I think I have always felt really uncomfortable. I feel very comfortable in front of a crowd but as far as my appearance goes, I\u2019ve sort have done it besides the fact that I don\u2019t feel comfortable in my appearance, like I\u2019ve sort of reason above the fact that I don\u2019t feel that great about my body or that I don\u2019t feel that great. But when you put clothes on me, it was like \u201cI felt great in this body too, like I don\u2019t even care.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi: <\/strong>Absolutely. Right, I mean because at the end of the day, you know like I have in seven days, I have to go on television, and you know I got on the scale this morning and I was like \u201cOh so, the last 45 days, you have been finishing your book and doing this different tours speaking engagement and all those these things and you\u2019re not taking care of yourself because you decided that it was going to be okay that you went all on your book, right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> Yeah.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi: <\/strong>And so right now I have to be honest\u00a0and say \u201cWell, can I lose 25 pounds in seven days, probably not.\u201d And so what do we do, we show up and rock it out where you are. And so the difference is in what I talked about in the book is that not only are you going to the biggest things are, so now you\u2019re able to dress your message, right? But what you\u2019re saying, right here you say is that it\u2019s easy like you can focus on preparing for the main things and you don\u2019t have to worry and fret about how are you going to look. The worst thing is showing up and not looking the part.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi: <\/strong>You know because we talked about this in Fascinate Advantage group. And in those 8 seconds, they\u2019ve already decided if you have deserved or earned the right to be on that stage. You know, we all know that we have, right? But isn\u2019t it so magical standing there knowing that you do so that you feel that way also, right? And so that really is what is about and so the continued process would be that we\u2019re going to work on is just getting your closet to the point where you can wake up in the morning and you can have 15 minutes to get somewhere and everything that you grab is magnificent.<\/p>\n<p>And that everyday even if you just dropping the kids off of the bus and it\u2019s a tunic and leggings and a fashion sneaker and shirt, and wear your sunglasses on and grabbed that gorgeous handbag that you bought, and you\u2019re still rocking it out where you are like \u201cOkay, so I have my coffee, and I have 15 minutes to get dressed and still look amazing.\u201d That really is what it\u2019s about.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> And I looked amazing and I don\u2019t know, there\u2019s something about that putting on clothing that matches who I am on the inside and sort of draws out the best of me. And I think that\u2019s what so powerful about what you\u2019re offering people in general is that we don\u2019t have to master it up on our own. Like there is a way to sort of put these things on that are going to call out of us and release it out of us. Whereas, if I\u2019m just dressed in my sweats and a t-shirt to take my kids to school, what are my kids seeing up me? You know, what am I feeling about who I am and how I\u2019m going to attack the next thing on my list of things to do today. All those sorts of things, I\u2019m like \u201cThis is so transformational.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\" wp-image-2362 alignright\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-21-e1495456227142-768x1024.jpeg?resize=485%2C646\" alt=\"\" width=\"485\" height=\"646\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-21-e1495456227142.jpeg?resize=768%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-21-e1495456227142.jpeg?resize=225%2C300&amp;ssl=1 225w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-21-e1495456227142.jpeg?resize=760%2C1013&amp;ssl=1 760w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-21-e1495456227142.jpeg?resize=300%2C400&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-21-e1495456227142.jpeg?resize=82%2C109&amp;ssl=1 82w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-21-e1495456227142.jpeg?resize=600%2C800&amp;ssl=1 600w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-21-e1495456227142.jpeg?w=1520 1520w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Photo-Apr-21-e1495456227142.jpeg?w=2280 2280w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 485px) 100vw, 485px\" \/>Toi:<\/strong> It is. You know, I always say, when you look and you feel good, when you\u2019re feeling good, you\u2019re confident and when you\u2019re confident the world is yours. But I will take it one step further and since we\u2019re talking about the kids was I sight this in the book that there was an article that was written about the headmaster in the UK, and she sends out letters to all the parents that basically said \u201cHey, when you drop your kids off in the morning or you pick them up in the afternoon, can you please not wear your pajamas.\u201d What kind of message are we sending are we sending to the kids,\u201d you know, and that just blew my mind.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>: Wow! Shoot!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi: <\/strong>You know, I\u2019m like \u201cIf you saw the way I drop my kids\u2026\u201d and I\u2019m guilty of it too. You know, but I\u2019ve got my closet to the point where it is a ____ somebody is like \u201cOh that was amazing.\u201d I\u2019m like \u201cReally?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> Oh my goodness, yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> You know what I mean, and so that\u2019s what I\u2019m really talking about is that if you put together a brand, you know, dress-the-message type of closet right then anything that you grab and so can you imagine that being at home and receiving that email of like \u201cYou did not show up today and we need you to not only show up for yourself but to show up for the kids.\u201d And what are you saying to them and then you think about the fact that in our Fascination group, one of the guys released an\u00a0article about\u00a0the fact that\u00a0everybody was hiring freelancers and personal branding\u00a0was so important. What are we teaching our children about dressing the message? What are we teaching them about being able to sell themselves, because we\u2019re all selling something rather yourself or a product, right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> And when you\u2019re saying selling, you\u2019re saying compelling communication which is exactly what this podcast is about, compelling communication. So even if you\u2019re oppose to the word selling, dear Influencers, understand that compelling communication is sort of that same thing. So that\u2019s exactly what you\u2019re talking about.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> Yes, so you know, it\u2019s so important and I think that at the end of the day, I\u2019m talking about simple things. You know, I want you to show up as your best self. I want you to be able to give a 100% to all of the things that are so important to you and I\u2019m saying \u201cHey, do you need some help with dressing your message, then let me help you with that part so that you can be the best writer. You can be the best podcaster; you could be the best leader. You can be the best mom. You can be the best entrepreneur so that you don\u2019t have to worry about these things. If you can\u2019t hear some simple steps that you can take, you know, if you&#8217;re saying, &#8220;You&#8217;re in Philadelphia.\u00a0I can\u2019t afford to fly there,&#8221; here are some steps that you can take to at least start the process.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m really excited about your journey and what you have coming and all the things that you\u2019ve been able to accomplish and just how gorgeous you looked now. Now listen, your headshots look great but when we took your picture that day you\u00a0looked amazing and we just kicked it up a knot, that\u2019s all we did. If you look your headshot and the images that we took side by side, you looks great. You look fine, but I don\u2019t allow my customers to dwell on the possibility of fine or okay. Why would you settle for being great when you can be exceptional, when you can be amazing?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> Yeah. Okay, so last week I had some friends get together, they said, we want to see these clothes. So this is the best and I want to tell this story because I think it\u2019s so important to copying up this part of your message. But what happened was they all sort of just sat down and I told the story about how we met and why I went out there and all that sort of thing. When I went back into this bedroom and I put on my first outfit and I walked out and they were like\u2026first of all, before anybody saw me, I was in the hallway grinning from ear to ear, almost like trying to hide my grin, you know, like \u201cOh my gosh, I don\u2019t wanna look like a little kid right now,\u201d but I feel like that little girl who\u2019s in her brand new dress running out to spin in front of her dad. You know like \u201cI know, I\u2019m beautiful and just enjoying the way that I am.\u201d<img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\" wp-image-2355 alignright\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Pinterest-4.jpg?resize=460%2C690\" alt=\"\" width=\"460\" height=\"690\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Pinterest-4.jpg?resize=683%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 683w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Pinterest-4.jpg?resize=200%2C300&amp;ssl=1 200w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Pinterest-4.jpg?resize=267%2C400&amp;ssl=1 267w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Pinterest-4.jpg?resize=82%2C123&amp;ssl=1 82w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Pinterest-4.jpg?resize=600%2C900&amp;ssl=1 600w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Pinterest-4.jpg?w=735&amp;ssl=1 735w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 460px) 100vw, 460px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>You know, that is what\u2019s going on inside of me and then I walked out there and they all just like gushed. They were just like \u201cHuh, oh my goodness.\u201d And this is just the clothing, you know and the shoes and the look that you gave me then I went back and I went back and forth, and went back and forth. And you know even the most casual things were like, I sort of progressed in I guess dressiness as I went through in the most casual things, they were like \u201cOh my gosh, I can totally see you speaking in that.\u201d And I thought, \u201cOh gosh you haven\u2019t even seen me the good stuff.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>So anyway, it was working and they\u2019re saying this is the image that you should be in front of people you know. And then this is the really funny part, the next day, I got I snap from my one of my friends and she was like \u201cOkay, I just want you to know that I was looking through my closet and I\u2019m trying to figure out what to put on and I kept thinking to myself, \u201cI wonder what Toi would think of this.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> I hear that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> It was so great.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> It\u2019s so humbling. I think that that is just \u201cHey that\u2019s awesome, that\u2019s so fantastic.\u201d You know, just message me next time and attach images.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>: Well, I think they all came away wanting to buy your book.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> Oh that\u2019s nice.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> You know because they want to know\u2026they saw the transformation in me, in one of their dear friends, and they saw how you had been able to make inside come out on me and they were so inspired and they were\u2026these are the things that they were saying. So I see all that too because I think that people should know that there are so much more potential that we don\u2019t have to stay where you are. I felt stuck in that, in my brand of clothing because I didn\u2019t know what to do. And so I really, I\u2019m excited for your book. Now this book, let\u2019s talk about your book for a little while. So tell us about your book and the format that you chose.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> So the book is titled <em>Secrets of a Well Dressed Brand<\/em>, because we are all while we choose to believe it or not, everybody is a brand because you\u2019re already putting something out into the world. People are already perceiving that brand; good, better and different. So if you are a brand, you might be a well-dressed brand. And so it\u2019s really funny because when I was meeting my book designer, he showed me the typical kind of eBook layout and I hated it to completely being honest. I hated it so much. I was like \u201cThis is horrible. I hate everything about this.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> Because it was just words?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> It was just normal, you know, and I don\u2019t do normal. I think you\u2019ve got to spend a weekend with me so you know, I don\u2019t do boring and I don\u2019t do normal. So I was really bored and I was just too typical. And so what I asked him to do was to lay out the same way you would lay out a fashion magazine. And he said \u201cWe\u2019re gonna need a lot more images.\u201d I was like \u201cOh boy!\u201d So leaving Corporate America just seven months ago and having a bunch of gorgeous talented friends, I reached out to a couple of people and say \u201cCan I ask some pictures?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And so I\u2019m really, really excited to bring you guys something that\u2019s more like a fashion magazine and also you know video. It\u2019s an eBook that features video and images. I\u2019m so proud of this. It is so exceptional and I just can\u2019t even believe that it\u2019s here. I can\u2019t even believe that it\u2019s done. So I\u2019m so excited for everybody to kind of dive into it and really it\u2019s a quick read and like I said, it\u2019s really engaging. It\u2019s kind of like part television, part fashion magazine if you will.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> Yeah. So what do think the results are for the person who buys your book and reads it and watches the videos, what are they going to leave with?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> It\u2019s funny that you asked that question, or I find that interesting that you asked that question, because when I was talking to my copywriter, she said \u201cI have to be honest\u2026\u201d You know what I\u2019m thinking, \u201coh boy.\u201d And she said, you know, and I heard this before, I haven\u2019t thought much the way that I looked like. I put myself together and I feel like I was doing just fine but you really make look at it from a different perspective.<\/p>\n<p>And so if you walk away and you\u2019re thinking about your clothing the same thing that was happening with your friends when they saw you, if you just have that moment of \u201cWow, what I wear really does matter, number 1.\u201d Number 2, it\u2019s so important for me to not only create a look for myself, but also to create a signature style for myself. Have that set things that you\u2019re known for would be my second thing that I want people to kind of walk away with.<\/p>\n<p>And the third thing is what you can do. It\u2019s actually really simple to kind of create a signature look, and I just kind of give you some things like if you wear glasses and you can\u2019t leave without wearing your glasses then make that part of your look. It\u2019s really is about embracing who you are and just exploding that out into the world in a way that they cannot ignore you. That really is what it\u2019s about.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> So what are some other examples of signature style? You said glasses or just to give me a couple of tangibles.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> Yes, so if you\u2019re someone like I have a client who loves\u2026I have two clients actually, who are both completely obsessed of stripes so then don\u2019t wear them because right now, stripes are very relevant in the industries. So don\u2019t wear them the same way that somebody else wears them. Right now, it\u2019s trendy to wear stripes with floral, so you buy stripes shirt and you have a floral design on top that\u2019s different than the traditional nautical what everybody else is doing. Don\u2019t do that. Don\u2019t do what everybody else is doing.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe you wear it this way and instead of you wearing maybe a stripes shirt, again that\u2019s everybody else is doing, maybe you got a cute sundress and you wear stripe wedges or stripe flats or get a stripe handbag. You just incorporate your signature whatever it is into your lives and you should wear it everybody. It should be a reflection of something that you\u2019re going to do every day, and so that\u2019s it. It can be pop of color on your lips, you know, regardless if you wear all black or if you wear whatever color.<\/p>\n<p><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\" wp-image-2356 alignright\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Instagram-3.jpg?resize=509%2C509\" alt=\"\" width=\"509\" height=\"509\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Instagram-3.jpg?resize=1024%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Instagram-3.jpg?resize=150%2C150&amp;ssl=1 150w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Instagram-3.jpg?resize=300%2C300&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Instagram-3.jpg?resize=768%2C768&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Instagram-3.jpg?resize=180%2C180&amp;ssl=1 180w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Instagram-3.jpg?resize=600%2C600&amp;ssl=1 600w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Instagram-3.jpg?resize=35%2C35&amp;ssl=1 35w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Instagram-3.jpg?resize=760%2C760&amp;ssl=1 760w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Instagram-3.jpg?resize=400%2C400&amp;ssl=1 400w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Instagram-3.jpg?resize=82%2C82&amp;ssl=1 82w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Instagram-3.jpg?w=1080&amp;ssl=1 1080w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 509px) 100vw, 509px\" \/>Regardless, I can expect that when I see you, there\u2019s going to be red or pink or whatever on your lips. So think about Victoria Beckham, you know, she does wear a ton of color if any on her lips, regardless of whatever they\u2019re wearing. Kim Kardashian, regardless of whatever they\u2019re wearing, it\u2019s always a smoky eyes and a nude lips that\u2019s their signature style. Just think about those things in your life.<\/p>\n<p>I always say for busy moms and busy mom-preneurs if it\u2019s your kids then maybe you have a necklace that has a meaning to you or something that signifies when you started your business, whatever it is that\u2019s important to you that should be your anchor and build out from there. Like a lot of men, collect watches, cufflinks and things like that. Those are things that you can build around and start to build your personal brand image around the things that you love.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>: I can imagine at this point, but I\u2019d like to hear from you what is the benefit of having that thing that signature thing?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> That\u2019s a very good question. I\u2019ve never been asked that before and I\u2019m so excited to answer it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> Yay!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi: <\/strong>Well, I just think that it anchors you, right? Because every time I ask someone what they want to say, everyone wants to feel most, and out of all my clients, I have one that give me a different style. Everyone wants to be approachable; no one wants to be seen as someone that doesn\u2019t get along with others and all those type of things. Approachable, it is probably the number one answer, right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> Interesting.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> And I think that we all seek or should seek in all of our greatness to be humble because it\u2019s never, it\u2019s about us right? We never really got to anywhere by ourselves and I think that that\u2019s just an important message for me and that\u2019s just kind of me projecting them on to my clients like you need a place to call home. You need a home base, because when you\u2019re that nervous and when you\u2019re that excited and you\u2019re really up and against and it\u2019s stressful to do all the things that we all accomplish in a day. It\u2019s stressful to try to working out at a fulltime job, your business is a fulltime job, working a fulltime job and taking care of your family, and so you just need a place that\u2019s home base.<\/p>\n<p>So we just kind of need that something that we can touch or look at that reminds you that somebody loves you, somebody has your back that you got this that you didn\u2019t get there alone. Like I wear a lot of crosses because of my faith, I wear a little M sometimes for my son that passed away, you know, that just reminds me that like I\u2019m okay, you\u2019re okay. We can do this. It\u2019s like a quiet way of screaming, I got this, and then you build all the other stuff on top of that so that at night when you strip the lashes off and you remove the lipstick, you\u2019re back at home base.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> Okay, first of all I\u2019m tearing up here. No, I mean for anybody that has ever said that fashion and your appearance is superficial, if they just hear what you just said, they\u2019ve just totally taken back everything they ever said about that because that was so beautiful. What you just said was so beautiful and deep and meaningful. That\u2019s speaks to me personally in a way that being trendy or just looking your best for other people and that sort of thing, that doesn\u2019t speak to me. But when you just said what you just said, that is just so convicting and it opens my mind to \u201cOh wow, there\u2019s something really meaningful in my appearance.\u201d Wow that was so powerful.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> Because it should be, and I think that again that would kind of sets me apart because I really do when I think about the sounds like not humble but it&#8217;s true.\u00a0When I sign into social media and I say to you that I love you then when you get to know me, you know that it really is coming from a genuine place. And so it\u2019s important to me that you have a home base, because life gets tough. It gets tough for all of us and so if it\u2019s just about the stuff, you lose that stuff.<\/p>\n<p>You know all the stuff will come and go but if you\u2019re anchoring yourself in your home whether that\u2019s your faith or your family or whatever that\u2019s for you then you have a better chance of being unshakable. You know what I mean? And so at the end of the day when I\u2019m saying dress for message that\u2019s what it is about. That\u2019s why I\u2019m saying that it\u2019s important for you. I want to know what\u2019s your vision is because I want to know where you\u2019re going. That\u2019s all about stuff. I want to know what you\u2019re values are because that\u2019s the piece that we\u2019re going to choose that represents something to you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> This is like therapy. I mean, yeah retail therapy exactly. No, you know, it\u2019s not. It\u2019s so different in that. It\u2019s so good. So many important things for us to really consider and I can only imagine the kind of impact that your book have on the hearts of the people that read it because they might be going to you expecting fashion tips. But what you\u2019re giving them is identity and that hope that anchoring themselves in who they are and expressing self-expression and those really deep things that I love so much.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi: <\/strong>You know, I kind of like see some fashion in there and that I feel like\u2026<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> Oh yeah, I\u2019m sure you did, yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi: <\/strong>You know, It\u2019s a fashion book, but thank you for what you just said because\u2026and now I\u2019m going to try not to tear up because it\u2019s so much more to me than that. I feel like my purpose is about so much more than that and I think that God has given me the life that he has given me and all the trials because I have something bigger to say than just the clothing.<\/p>\n<p>Anybody can go out there and put an outfit together and that\u2019s not what I do. You can go to Nordstrom, you can go to anybody. There are a thousand fashion stylists. Everybody is an image consultant and that\u2019s not really\u2026at the end of the day, I hope that I deliver so much more than that and that when you look in the mirror like you did, you see your own story for all of the glory that it is and for the all the things that made you use of that when you stepped up on the stage and you\u2019re talking to people about their voice, it\u2019s authentic. But not in the way that we\u2019re all tossing that\u00a0word around and it just gets\u00a0on my system. It truly really is authentic, for real.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> For real.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> For real, authentic.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> Yes, yes. Oh gosh, yeah. That\u2019s a good stuff. So Toi then can I ask you where does your fashion for this come from? What is in your story? Where you\u2019ve been? What sort of things has happened that has motivated you to be so passionate about this?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> Oh my goodness, so many things like all of us. I mean, the short answer is\u2026I\u2019ll give you the quick notes, you know, it\u2019s just like everybody. You come into this world and you have natural loves, right? I\u2019ve always love art, music and fashion. I grew up thinking that my mother was the most beautiful woman in the world. She still is. She has such a great sense of style and I was left to my own so I really learned to depend on myself a lot and just not allowing all the negative things, learning in my 20s to love myself because I didn\u2019t love the negative stuff in, right?<\/p>\n<p>And so my goal in my 20s was really learning and to made a conscious effort to really learn on how to love myself. I did it because I wasn\u2019t good enough. I wasn\u2019t smart enough. I wasn\u2019t pretty enough. I was funny, you know, and I always had a great sense of style. But I didn\u2019t really love myself. So once I realized that, I kind of put that as a priority\u00a0so that when I finally did met my husband, &#8220;you have to accept me and all of me, for who I am. I love myself too much to settle for anything less than what I deserve.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>So when we got married, you know, he travelled a lot. He would be gone 14 weeks at a time and I really wanted to start this business. I really wanted to start a family so when we comes home, we tried for three years to have a baby and nothing was happening. And then after all of the infertilities in six months and I have a\u00a0uterine eruption. I lost our first son, Myles, and it ripped my heart out and it just drawn me to nothing, to ground zero. By the way, I was still working in Corporate America just really trying to dive into this career that I had of time to make it a different aspect of the fashion industry and dealing with just the tough stuff there as well.<\/p>\n<p>And so before that, we talking about divorce and all these hard things that you kind go through and just really, really standing that ground zero and decided to still look up. And fashion and putting on my power was such a great part of that for me. It\u2019s always been my saving grace as far as like \u201cOkay, Lord, I\u2019m gonna anchor myself,\u201d and you still have to get out of bed and I need a look. If I dressed how I feel, there\u2019s going to be a problem. So let me go one better and I take it until I made it and then it really just it.<\/p>\n<p>And so now, when I see women who don\u2019t stand in their power, and I see women not dressing and living up to their full potential, I take it on us like personal vendetta like \u201cOh, you can do this.\u201d This is not okay. This is not just okay and so you got to get up and I take my own advice. You have to get up, put your big\u00a0girl panties\u00a0on and go seize the day. I\u2019d stopped and nobody cares, work harder like nobody cares about your personal problems. I care about that big thing and for me it was just being\u00a0stuck in my career, losing my son and almost losing my husband and almost losing my life. It was all of those things.<\/p>\n<p>You know, I also was told I was stupid that I wasn\u2019t pretty. I was told all of those things and so if I don\u2019t know how to do anything else by the grace of God and because of my love for Christ, I know how to survive. I know how to do that so when I\u2019m telling you, it does kind of matter if you have messy hair and red lipstick on because it might just change you in that moment. One moment leads to another moment because now you\u2019re talking to a stranger at son\u2019s doctor appointment or on your daughter\u2019s recital, right?<\/p>\n<p><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"wp-image-2357 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Pinterest-5.jpg?resize=397%2C595\" alt=\"\" width=\"397\" height=\"595\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Pinterest-5.jpg?resize=683%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 683w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Pinterest-5.jpg?resize=200%2C300&amp;ssl=1 200w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Pinterest-5.jpg?resize=267%2C400&amp;ssl=1 267w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Pinterest-5.jpg?resize=82%2C123&amp;ssl=1 82w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Pinterest-5.jpg?resize=600%2C900&amp;ssl=1 600w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Quote-Pinterest-5.jpg?w=735&amp;ssl=1 735w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 397px) 100vw, 397px\" \/>And it turns out that she is the\u00a0blah, blah, blah, of blah blah and you&#8217;re like \u201cOh my gosh, thank God, I showed up\u00a0that day. Oh thank God, at least even though I was wearing the leggings or the jeggings but at least I had on a good shoe and a handbag, you know what I mean? Because what you\u2019re doing is telling the world that you care enough. You care enough to be treated a certain way. You care enough to show up for them and for yourself because that\u2019s always saying at the end of the day, you say, I love me enough to do this and I love you enough that I\u2019ll do it for you too.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m so inspired and I can\u2019t believe that I teared up so much on this podcast today. But obviously, I mean I know personally what you\u2019re talking about now. I get it. You know, it\u2019s not just the longing inside of me anymore like you\u2019ve given that gift to me and what I think, I think that your message is so desperately needed amongst women of all ages. Men too for sure, men definitely applies but hey, you\u2019re going to gain a stronger voice with women as you have the opportunity to speak in colleges like you have in various settings where you get a chance to really speak to the heart and address that. I mean that\u2019s really powerful stuff right there.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> Yeah, that means everything. Thank you so much. I appreciate it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> So Toi, why don\u2019t you share how we can now, now that we\u2019re so inspired, how do we go find your book?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> So you can log on to iTunes into your account and purchase a Secrets of a Well Dressed Brand. My name is a funny name. And my social media under that name except for Twitter, it\u2019s sweeneytoi. But yeah, if you have an Android, we loaded it up on Cobo so you can still be able to get it that way. I\u2019m really, really excited to spy it and let me know your thoughts. Please reach out to me on social media and say hi because I love that. I hate the term fashion profession. So hopefully, it\u2019s much more, more than that but I have a passion for people for sure and just helping you to dress the message.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> Yes, and we will definitely link your book into the show notes. So if you\u2019re listening on iTunes, as soon as you\u2019re done with this, go poke the link to the book and your already on iTunes or Apple podcast is what they\u2019re calling it now, you\u2019re going to be taken right to the book. Just go ahead and get that thing because this is pretty exciting stuff and I know that you\u2019re going to appreciate the things that Toi has to share with you. And if nothing else to say thank you for everything that she just gave us today. So thank you so much Toi from the bottom of my heart, from myself personally and for the audience who I know this Influencer that\u2019s listening is really touched. So thank you so much!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Toi:<\/strong> Thank you so much for having me!<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><a href=\"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.lpages.co\/creative-content-consulting\/\"><span style=\"color: #800000;\"><strong>If you are interested in learning more about your own identity, message and business, check out my 1 to 1 offerings here.<\/strong><\/span><\/a><\/h2>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you think you know what fashion is, Toi Sweeney is going to blow your mind in this interview. This interview isn&#8217;t about superficial tips to be sure other people like how you look, oh no! In fact, this is what I said in the middle of the interview: &#8220;People are going to you for [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2346,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[6,262,185,259,258,147,11,230,276,19],"tags":[191,303,322,241,321,139],"class_list":["post-2345","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-art","category-audio","category-book-impact","category-creative","category-creativity","category-expression","category-identity","category-leadership","category-podcast","category-voice","tag-creativity","tag-fashion","tag-secrets-of-a-well-dressed-brand","tag-self-expression","tag-style","tag-voice-2"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Toi-Sweeney-FB-ad.png?fit=810%2C450&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6jZPB-BP","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2345","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2345"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2345\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2364,"href":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2345\/revisions\/2364"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2346"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2345"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2345"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2345"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}