{"id":2734,"date":"2017-11-20T03:35:31","date_gmt":"2017-11-20T09:35:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/?p=2734"},"modified":"2017-11-20T08:41:51","modified_gmt":"2017-11-20T14:41:51","slug":"discover-your-design-and-lead-with-purpose","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/discover-your-design-and-lead-with-purpose\/","title":{"rendered":"Discover Your Design and Lead with Purpose"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;Don&#8217;t you wish that babies came with owner&#8217;s manuals?!&#8221; We&#8217;ve all wish we could understand our kids, loved ones, friends and coworkers better at one time or another. But what about understanding ourselves? Maybe it&#8217;s self-awareness that can help us know what direction to go in life and how to communicate with others. In this interview, I talk with Dr. Anthony J. Marchese about how discovering our design helps us live a life of significance.<\/p>\n<p>Dr. Anthony J. Marchese has over twenty years of leadership experience in corporations, universities, and churches. He is the author of DESIGN: An Owner&#8217;s Manual for Learning, Living, and Leading published by WestBow Press. Marchese is a corporate trainer, professor, and avid public communicator.<\/p>\n<p>Find Dr. Marchese&#8217;s book here\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/amzn.to\/2zVB8Rw\">DESIGN: An Owner&#8217;s Manuel for Learning, Living, and Leading with Purpose<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.anthonyjmarchese.com\">www.anthonyjmarchese.com<\/a><\/p>\n<h2>Play here (the red triangle below), on<span style=\"color: #800000;\"> <a href=\"https:\/\/itunes.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/voiceofinfluences-podcast\/id1223799516\">iTunes<\/a>, <a href=\"http:\/\/www.stitcher.com\/s?fid=135618&amp;refid=stpr\">Stitcher<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/tunein.com\/radio\/Voice-of-Influence-Personal-Branding-p1009849\/\">TuneIn Radio<\/a> <\/span>(Amazon Alexa) or wherever you listen to podcasts.<\/h2>\n<p><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"wp-image-2736 alignnone\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-32-FB-ad.jpg?resize=569%2C316\" alt=\"\" width=\"569\" height=\"316\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-32-FB-ad.jpg?w=810&amp;ssl=1 810w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-32-FB-ad.jpg?resize=300%2C167&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-32-FB-ad.jpg?resize=768%2C427&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-32-FB-ad.jpg?resize=760%2C422&amp;ssl=1 760w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-32-FB-ad.jpg?resize=518%2C288&amp;ssl=1 518w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-32-FB-ad.jpg?resize=82%2C46&amp;ssl=1 82w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-32-FB-ad.jpg?resize=600%2C333&amp;ssl=1 600w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 569px) 100vw, 569px\" \/><br \/>\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"border: none;\" src=\"\/\/html5-player.libsyn.com\/embed\/episode\/id\/5961257\/height\/90\/theme\/custom\/autoplay\/no\/autonext\/no\/thumbnail\/yes\/preload\/no\/no_addthis\/no\/direction\/backward\/render-playlist\/no\/custom-color\/ad2c30\/\" width=\"100%\" height=\"90\" scrolling=\"no\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h2><\/h2>\n<h2>Interview Transcript<\/h2>\n<p>Hey, hey! It\u2019s Andrea and welcome to the Voice of Influence podcast. Today, I have on the line, Dr. Tony Marchese. He has written a book, a fabulous book called <em>Design: An Owner\u2019s<\/em> <em>Manual for Learning, Living, and Leading with Purpose.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>:\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m so glad to have you on the podcast today, Tony!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr. Tony Marchese<\/strong>: Oh it\u2019s great to be here, Andrea. Thank you very much for the invitation.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>: Yeah, and it\u2019s particularly fun because we have a mutual friend. I had Doug Walters on the podcast a few episodes ago and he and you are actually working together. Can you explain what\u2019s your relationship is just briefly?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr. Tony Marchese:<\/strong> Sure. Several years ago, Doug and I worked for a university in Charleston, West Virginia. He was the Dean of Students and I was the Assistant Dean of Students and then I ended up going over to the academic side. But we remain friends, and for many years, we did some consulting together where we go into nonprofit organizations as well as small to medium sized corporations to assist them with anything from HR to organizational design, organizational assessment, and executive coaching. So I worked with him for a long time and he\u2019s a very, very good friend.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>: OK. So you wrote this book and I know that you have a doctor degree in organizational leadership. So tell us about what that is exactly first before we go on.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr. Tony Marchese<\/strong>: Sure! My PhD is organizational leadership and I was toying several years ago between going for a PhD in philosophy or PhD in organizational leadership. And I felt like since my bachelors and masters were in the humanities so I wanted to do something that was a little bit more practical. So my area of interest is in the science of human motivation as well as positive organizational psychology.<\/p>\n<p>So rather than viewing organizations and people as problem to be solved, I look at them as opportunities where there\u2019s immense potential and there are immense opportunities. And if we look at what\u2019s essentially right about us, those things at service differentiators and we really learn how to identify those things and develop them and apply them strategically, I think that we can make a major difference not only in our lives but also in organizations.<\/p>\n<p>So that\u2019s what my doctorate was all about and my practice for the past many, many years in my work has been kind of pretty at well aligned with that philosophy I guess you\u2019d say.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> So you\u2019re using this positive psychology and the things that you\u2019ve learned to help organizations and be able to man better leadership and to be able to communicate better. What would you say are some of the top priorities when you come in to work with people?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr. Tony Marchese:<\/strong> Well, I think that many people have an approach where it\u2019s guided by a deficit-based world view. I think that rarely does kind of proliferate our cultures. We\u2019re always trying to identify what is essentially wrong and learn how to compensate for those weaknesses and for me it\u2019s all different disciplines.<\/p>\n<p>Currently, I work for a large international consulting firm that\u2019s based out at DC. I live in West Virginia. I\u2019m the Director of Learning and Development, so I\u2019m essentially a corporate trainer, and I create the leadership and management curriculum for all of our 6000 plus employees worldwide. In terms of the rest of my career, I\u2019ve done a great deal of consulting in medium to large sized corporations. Again, in all of those areas, I just been very interested in helping people understand kind of the intricacies of the self and to really identify those things at serve as differentiators and to develop those and to really learn to channel those strategically in various ways where people want to achieve.<\/p>\n<p>It doesn\u2019t mean that we are unaware of areas where we fall short. But I just kind of have lived my life according to the idea that when we try to compensate for our weaknesses and that\u2019s the chief aim of our professional life, we become adequate at much but excellent at nothing and so that\u2019s really not the approach that I take. I try to help people understand what\u2019s right about them and how to really use that to create a personal brand in one in which they\u2019re able to flourish.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> Obviously, I really love everything that you\u2019re saying. I\u2019m curious though, in a corporate setting, do you come up against any oppositions to this idea that we should be focusing on what\u2019s right? I recently talked to somebody who is a manager of a small business and they were working with somebody else who had the same kind focus, this strength based kind of focus. He said it was really hard to shift gears because he grew up and spent most of his career in that mindset of \u201cYou got to fix what\u2019s wrong, you got to fix what\u2019s wrong.\u201d It feels a little bit like we\u2019re not going to fix what\u2019s wrong then if we don\u2019t do that. So how do you talk to somebody like that? How do you explain this to them?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr.Tony Marchese<\/strong>: Well, I think that\u2019s a very common perception that people have, especially initially, when you\u2019re not really adept or familiar with kind of that assets-based approach. I think that the transcending kind of principle, the overarching principle behind all of this is the idea of being self-aware. That can either be from a personal perspective as an individual but also from an organizational perspective. What does that mean to be self-aware? That is the number one thing and when you\u2019re self-aware, not only you\u2019re aware of your strengths but you\u2019re also aware of those areas where you kind of fall short.<\/p>\n<p>But if you\u2019re really good, if you\u2019re self-aware, you understand your reason for existence. You understand why you exist. You understand your chief function. You understand your values and you\u2019re able to leverage those in various ways. So the idea of having a strength-based approach to working or to living does not mean that we ignore what\u2019s essentially wrong, but it\u2019s really kind of future focused rather than dwelling upon those areas that we fall short, we can really, really supplicate within that mindset in living a life or working in a profession immersed in that approach. It\u2019s about identifying what the desired future really looks like.<\/p>\n<p><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\" wp-image-2737 alignright\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Pinterest.jpg?resize=353%2C530\" alt=\"\" width=\"353\" height=\"530\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Pinterest.jpg?resize=683%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 683w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Pinterest.jpg?resize=200%2C300&amp;ssl=1 200w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Pinterest.jpg?resize=267%2C400&amp;ssl=1 267w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Pinterest.jpg?resize=82%2C123&amp;ssl=1 82w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Pinterest.jpg?resize=600%2C900&amp;ssl=1 600w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Pinterest.jpg?w=735&amp;ssl=1 735w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 353px) 100vw, 353px\" \/>In positive psychology, there\u2019s this idea of disputation where you reinforce the positive. And as a result of that, the theory goes that the negative, those areas of deficit, where they\u2019re applicable diminish. So it\u2019s not ignoring what\u2019s wrong but it\u2019s making sure that we\u2019re moving in the right direction that our values, our identity, and our true function are all aligned in that particular direction and it\u2019s focusing in what we need to get there.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> Yeah, I love that quote in your book, &#8220;self-awareness is intimately connected to a positively _____ impact and that awareness that you help people to achieve, what\u2019s kind of things are you helping them to become aware of?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr. Tony Marchese<\/strong>: One of the things that I do a lot is I work with corporate executives\u2019 kind of an international basis. And the thing that I know that regardless of individuals success, I mean how much money they make regardless of what domain that they may find themselves professionally that they all bring baggage to the work place, everyone of us do that. Some of these bring more baggage than the others or baggage that maybe more potentially harmful to others around us than others.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s really important to be aware of our own liabilities and to be cognizant of how those can impact others within the organization. One of the things that I do talk about in the book is a lot of bad behavior that happens among leaders within the workplace has its origin on the playground when the not-yet leader was bullied or pushed down or no one would pick that individual to be a part of their team. They didn\u2019t get invited to play tag and they were kind of in the shadows.<\/p>\n<p>For many people, there\u2019s an injury that occurs very early in life. And for most of us, we don\u2019t really find healing. There\u2019s sort of scar that\u2019s left. Not necessarily an open wound anymore but it\u2019s still there and there\u2019s still sting. As we advanced in our careers, we become smarter and enjoy a more lucrative lifestyle from our earlier years. Unless we actively engage in that process of becoming more self-aware and being aware not only of the good that we bring to the workplace but also those areas that could cause damage or inflict harm then it\u2019s probably going to happen in some degree.<\/p>\n<p>So one of the things that I really try to do is for people in order to be able to move forward, in order to really excel as a leader, you need to start with the basics. You need to understand who you are and in all of the complexities that make up your identity. That includes some of those areas that aren\u2019t so nice. It sort of like Plato&#8217;s Cave allegory which I used in the book and it\u2019s often used in many different ways 2500 years after its initial publication.<\/p>\n<p>I think that it\u2019s the idea of being a attentive to what\u2019s above and recognizing the shadow with black and white cavernous existence is one that\u2019s not going to allow us to flourish. And it\u2019s only through the arduous climb out of that cave, facing ourselves, coming out into the light, and being able to look around and see things not just as they appear but as they truly are in color and in multi-dimensions and that type of thing that we\u2019re really able to see things as they are. And to really address who we are and what we bring to the table and to be cognizant again of those areas that aren\u2019t so good. So it\u2019s about being truthful with ourselves I think is one of the main themes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>: You know that\u2019s interesting because we\u2019re just talking about positive psychology and everything and a lot of times people\u2019s perception of that is that you don\u2019t even pay attention to these things that you\u2019re just talking about the harder things. They\u2019re kind of different too. But bringing those two things together just standing in the truth of who you are and being honest about it that is a really hard thing for people to do.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m curious about your experience in facilitating that for other people as they\u2019re going through this process with you. Do you find that people resists going there? How does authenticity and transparency, which are two different things I realized, how do these things play into this process as they\u2019re working through it?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr. Tony Marchese<\/strong>: As I speak across the country and as I write articles in different things, especially when I\u2019m speaking in public, a lot of times people will come up to me afterwards and you can see on their face a look of brokenness. Because from many of these individuals, and if someone look at their life, they\u2019d say \u201cWell, they have everything.\u201d They have a nice car. They live in a grand house. They really have wants of really nothing, and yet, it\u2019d come to a point in their lives where despite all those things, despite checking every box that our society would say makes an individual successful and happy and make them content in many, many ways, they\u2019re languishing.<\/p>\n<p>Languishing is not depression. It\u2019s also not flourishing. It\u2019s sort of what one writer calls being wooden, kind of feeling hollow inside and so part of moving forward, part of being honest with ourselves is asking a question, \u201cIs my life worth what I really thought it was going to be?\u201d \u201cAm I really making a difference?\u201d Because I believe that inherent within human nature is that need to really contribute in whatever way is relevant to us to the evolution of the human race. When we\u2019re not doing that, when we\u2019re just living life in a transactional way, I think that slowly our soul begins to atrophy and we find ourselves longing for something more.<\/p>\n<p>When we\u2019re at that place of authenticity, of being aware, and of looking at ourselves as though in a mirror, I think it\u2019s at that point when we\u2019re really in a position in an assuming a posture where we can really make some changes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> Yes. OK so you just mentioned a comparison, why don\u2019t you go ahead and do this for me compare what it\u2019s like, what is that look like for somebody to live in a transactional kind of way versus living with purpose?<\/p>\n<p><strong><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\" wp-image-2739 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Instagram-3.jpg?resize=284%2C284\" alt=\"\" width=\"284\" height=\"284\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Instagram-3.jpg?resize=1024%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Instagram-3.jpg?resize=150%2C150&amp;ssl=1 150w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Instagram-3.jpg?resize=300%2C300&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Instagram-3.jpg?resize=768%2C768&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Instagram-3.jpg?resize=180%2C180&amp;ssl=1 180w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Instagram-3.jpg?resize=600%2C600&amp;ssl=1 600w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Instagram-3.jpg?resize=35%2C35&amp;ssl=1 35w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Instagram-3.jpg?resize=760%2C760&amp;ssl=1 760w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Instagram-3.jpg?resize=400%2C400&amp;ssl=1 400w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Instagram-3.jpg?resize=82%2C82&amp;ssl=1 82w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Instagram-3.jpg?w=1080&amp;ssl=1 1080w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 284px) 100vw, 284px\" \/>Dr. Tony Marchese<\/strong>: I think a transactional way is something that is really perpetuated by our culture. We live at a very consumptive lifestyle for the most part. We\u2019re taught to always be seeking opportunities to make ourselves over to be focused on those areas of deficit. If you look at television, if you look at the commercials, if you look a lot of popular TV shows, if you read, or if you\u2019re paying attention to the internet; there such a lot of things that are reminding us who we are in our present state is an adequate and reconstruct ourselves to correspond to whatever the latest trends of societal acceptability look like and so it\u2019s idea of a transactional.<\/p>\n<p>We expand effort of some sort and receive a return of some kind. I don\u2019t think that that is how we were designed to live our lives because when our lives are no more than just here to basically perform a function, we become nothing more than a horse that\u2019s been trained to pull a cart. I think that we are to live lives that are transformational in nature where we really pay close attention to those things that differentiate us from every other human on this planet.<\/p>\n<p>As we look at what I call birthright gifts or what Aristotle called 2500 years ago, entelechies, when we pay attention to those differentiators, and we see what pattern they reveal, there\u2019s a lot of information there about things that we may want to do. Things we may want to consider and things that can move us from that transactional way of thinking and living towards activities that we really were designed to do.<\/p>\n<p>When we\u2019re engaged in those types of things, it\u2019s very similar to flow. It\u2019s almost like a mystical experience. Some of the things that I noticed in my work as I\u2019ve coached executives of different types over the years is that it\u2019s often people that are in roles like teaching or an education of some sort that really kind of have that sense of destiny. They feel like their lives are lives of consequence.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s not just teachers but I noticed that especially with those people, they have a sense that they\u2019re not living life as though they paid for their tank of gas at the gas station and requested a carwash. When they get that receipt with that code and they go up and they drive up to the carwash and they input the code and they gained access into the carwash, many people live their lives where they\u2019re at the carwash and they\u2019re just randomly inputting numbers hoping to gain access to what they\u2019re feeling that they need but don\u2019t really understand.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>: Hmm, yeah. OK, I find it interesting that you\u2019re talking about all of these things in relation to people\u2019s personal brands. It sounds like a corporate setting, is that right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr. Tony Marchese<\/strong>: A corporate setting in what sense? What I do?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>: Yeah like what you\u2019re doing.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr. Tony Marchese<\/strong>: Yeah. I\u2019ll just say this, when I wrote Design, I wrote it out of the sense of obedience. It was one of those things where I felt like I just absolutely had to do it. That\u2019s why it was written in three months, which kind of crazy. I would come home and it was almost\u2026 I was absolutely in a state of float. I think that one of the main things about this book was that it was written to be accessible to all types of people.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve heard many, many stories of teenagers that are reading this book. I know many single parents or parents who have children that have recently left the nest and the parents are now wondering \u201cOK, what am I supposed to do now?\u201d I think I would say that in my day-to-day profession, while I don\u2019t necessarily use the book, I think many of the principles are quite evident in a way that I approach management and leadership.<\/p>\n<p>Because this is all based upon a promise that before we can really lead others effectively, we need to understand how to lead ourselves. If we don\u2019t understand our design, if we don\u2019t understand the intricacies that make us who we are, then we\u2019re not really living the way that we probably want to. It\u2019s probably going to be really hard to lead others.<\/p>\n<p>It reminds me of a quote that Thomas Martin said; he said \u201cHow do you expect to arrive at the end of your own journey if you take the road to another man\u2019s city?\u201d And the one thing that I know about leadership is that a lot of the leadership and management materials, if you go in the business section of almost any major bookstore, there\u2019s Tom after Tom after Tom promising that \u201cIf you do these five things then you\u2019ll be successful like me.\u201d I find that somewhat insulting because it\u2019s so imitative rather than organic.<\/p>\n<p>Design is written for, not to say ignore all these other voices out there, because there\u2019s a lot of value and things like even Voice of Influence podcast, there\u2019s a lot of value and perspective of other people and the wisdom that they bring. But at the same time, don\u2019t deny all of those clues. Don\u2019t deny those voices internally that are screaming for you to pay attention.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>: I totally agree. The promise of this podcast is to help other people hear their own voice of influence. So yeah, I\u2019m in full amen mood right here. You mentioned personal brand, so I\u2019m very curious. How does finding your purpose and all of these things that you talked about in your book, the Design, how does relate to personal branding for you when you look at your own or when you look at helping other people?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr. Tony Marchese<\/strong>: Well, the subtitle of the book talks about the idea of an owner\u2019s manual and this is really what the book is about. I started out talking about how this book came to be. Basically, I talked about waking up in the middle of the night and needing to get a drink of water because I was really thirsty. I walked into my kitchen and I looked around and got my water and I noticed a cell phone box on my table, when I remember that I purchased a cell phone the day before, and there was an owner\u2019s manual that was sitting on it.<\/p>\n<p>I never, ever, ever read an owner\u2019s manual for electronics. I\u2019m a techy kind of guy. I\u2019m an early adopter. I ordered a new iPhone this morning at 3:00 a.m. When it came out, I started scheming through this owner\u2019s manual. It was literally 3:00 in the morning when I had to get this drink and I had this weird thought that you\u2019d only have at 3:00 a.m.<\/p>\n<p>As I looked at this owner\u2019s manual especially the table of content, I saw sections like Overview where there was an explanation of the purpose of the product. I saw section called Distinguishing Features, which was all about differentiators, things that differentiate this cell phone from another. There was a section that dealt with requirements for optimal functioning which were basically instructions in order for this to function at its best. There was a section on precautions, which was all about preventing harm. And the last section was Support. If things aren\u2019t working the way they\u2019re supposed to, this is where you go.<\/p>\n<p>And I thought, you know, what if people had an owner\u2019s manual? How might that impact the way that we think about our lives, the way that we plan our lives in terms of making those major decisions like what do I want do with my life professionally for example. I mentioned earlier the parents that maybe their children have left home \u201cHow do I know what am I supposed to do next?\u201d Or that executive that has everything but yet feels as though they have nothing and they\u2019re looking for answers.<\/p>\n<p><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-2738\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Twitter-Quote.png?resize=544%2C302\" alt=\"\" width=\"544\" height=\"302\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Twitter-Quote.png?w=810&amp;ssl=1 810w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Twitter-Quote.png?resize=300%2C167&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Twitter-Quote.png?resize=768%2C427&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Twitter-Quote.png?resize=760%2C422&amp;ssl=1 760w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Twitter-Quote.png?resize=518%2C288&amp;ssl=1 518w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Twitter-Quote.png?resize=82%2C46&amp;ssl=1 82w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Tony-Twitter-Quote.png?resize=600%2C333&amp;ssl=1 600w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 544px) 100vw, 544px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>If we were to really begin to identify those entelechies, which Aristotle said are innate within all living matter, those things that can pick something from a state of potentiality to actuality that can turn an acorn into an oak tree provided that it receives the right nurture and care, the right elements of water and soil and so forth. If we were to really begin to pay attention for those things and to create an owner\u2019s manual based upon those where we understand our purpose, we understand what we need to be at our best, we understand how to prevent harm, we understand where we go for support, and we have that support system in place; I think that we\u2019re going to do a lot less imitating.<\/p>\n<p>I was talking about buying a book and then just going to do everything that it says to do and we\u2019re going to make a lot more decisions based upon what that owner\u2019s manual said about us. Because I believe, unlike some educators who believe in a concept of tabula rasa that humans are born as \u201cblank slates,\u201d I believe there\u2019s great deal of information on every human being. And until we acknowledge that and we affirm those thing and we begin to develop them and strategically apply them in areas where we want to succeed then I think we are going to be languishing.<\/p>\n<p>So the idea of a brand for me is really about being attentive to who you really are. One of the things I say in my book is I say that the childhood is perhaps the most honest season of our lives. When we\u2019re young, we have yet to yield the cacophony of voices competing for our attention. Parents, teachers, television, and connected culture present various compelling visions of our future selves with promises of acceptance, approval, prestige, beauty, and wealth.<\/p>\n<p>We slowly yield our still emerging dreams and gifts not yet developed into talents to act to the expectations of others. Part of us is real self gradually back swaying to the shadows. Eventually, when we find ourselves in middle age enjoying all the benefits of personal and professional success, yet strangely looking for something more. I believe that our most authentic selves, our most authentic moments are as children.<\/p>\n<p>As we grow older, so many factors or so many different types of stimuli that are encouraging us to grow up and to develop and to conform to whatever trends are out there at the time and I believe that we begin to lose ourselves. And so part of this process of identifying our brand is understanding what I call our birthright gifts.<\/p>\n<p>I wrote this, I said \u201cBirthright gifts reveal the depth and breadth of human diversity, and while we all share in common the presence of Design, the way our gifts manifest themselves is as unique to each of us as our DNA. Like discovering our place of origin, knowledge of our gifts serves as a stabilizing force as our identity and calling become clearer. Acknowledging and developing our gifts helps to reveal our place in a brilliant tapestry of human experience.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> Hmm, totally. I love that. It\u2019s really beautiful.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr. Tony Marchese<\/strong>: And so as I think about things that are in the news, one of the things that\u2019s in the news right now a lot is this whole idea of bullying. It\u2019s been for the past several years. When I was in school, I don\u2019t really remember that being a really big thing. I remember a little bit conversation about it, but it\u2019s really a very real thing and it\u2019s really a horrible thing that happens.<\/p>\n<p>As I think about this idea of Design, I think of a bully. I think of our world has a lot of stuff going on right now and there\u2019s a lot of stuff that\u2019s not so good. There are a lot of uncertainties and people have a lot of anxieties. And the thing about Design is I think is so powerful as we\u2019re faced with all these things that are coming at us and creating all the anxieties. We\u2019re kind of in the sea and it\u2019s a very tempestuous sea.<\/p>\n<p>I think that our design and awareness of our design really serves as a bully and keeps us from going under. And I think about the child that maybe bullied. How powerful it would be to know even in the midst of some of these bad stuffs that\u2019s going on at school, you know, \u201cThis is who I am. I\u2019m here and my life is a life of consequence and I\u2019m here to do some very specific things.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t think as Design is something that\u2019s just for older people, for those executives that we\u2019re talking about before. I think that there\u2019s a great deal of opportunity with even younger people as well.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> Definitely. I\u2019m totally in agreement with that. I\u2019ve had conversations with our kids about \u201cIf you end up feeling like somebody is trying to squash this part of you in some way, in your mind, acknowledge that maybe they just don\u2019t understand. They don\u2019t understand you and that\u2019s OK and the idea that they might know, that they are created in a certain way that they\u2019re designed that these things that might be driving other people crazy or might be really powerful things that needs some honing maybe, maybe they need to be channeled in a right direction but that\u2019s such a power inside of them. I mean, I think it\u2019s encouraging and empowering for those kids and the parents.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr. Tony Marchese:<\/strong> It makes me think about also one of the concepts that I write about in the book and that\u2019s the concept of \u201cdream stealers.\u201d I tell you, as I go around the country and I talk about Design, I can\u2019t think of any other story that I share from the book that resonates more than the story that I share of dream stealers in this whole concept. It\u2019s almost like universal. Everyone can relate to at least one person in our life who acted in this way.<\/p>\n<p>A dream stealer can be one of two types. It ultimately has this idea where they deplete our greatest desires rendering us pain and empty and sometimes feeling of lost. It can be a parent who urges their child to be realistic and responsible and a lot of times, it may come from a lack of experience on their part or it may be a fear of the unknown. The words might come from a parent who didn\u2019t go to college and was successful and feels as though it\u2019s not a necessary thing. It can come in a lot of different ways.<\/p>\n<p>But one of the things that I know was handling your child\u2019s destiny is a very, very delicate matter. I think other dream stealers have a far more sinister intention and a lot of times they target our clues to selfhood, our birthright gifts, our entelechies and can sometimes derail our entire professional trajectories any existing confidence that\u2019s there in that person.<\/p>\n<p>For me, I was a very averaged high school student. In my elementary school years, I spent several years in gifted program and in fact took classes at a high school in fifth and sixth grade for half a day. When I got into high school eventually, I wasn\u2019t really engaged and I was taking classes like music theory and radio and television and public speaking, things like that wasn\u2019t under the AP track, let\u2019s put it that way. I think I had a 2.6 GPA, but I decided my senior year that I wanted to go to college and I wanted to go to the local community college.<\/p>\n<p>So I remember towards the end of the year that I was going to be having what you basically call an exit interview with my guidance counselor and I was excited because I was going to let her know that I was going to go to college. I\u2019ll never forget when I received the invitation to go upstairs and to see her.<\/p>\n<p>I went out there and my heart was really pounding and I was really excited. I sat down and we had small talk and then the question, \u201cSo Tony, what are you gonna do after high school?\u201d And I said \u201cWell, I wanna go to the community college. I wanna become a teacher.\u201d And I\u2019ll never forget her looking at me dead in the eyes and she said \u201cTony, you\u2019re not college material. You\u2019d never make it in college.\u201d I had a DJ business at the time and did very well. She said \u201cThe best thing you could do is just keep DJ\u2019ing. You won\u2019t make it in college.\u201d I left there so depleted, so upset, and really, really injured.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> It\u2019s crashing.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr. Tony Marchese<\/strong>: It was. And many years later as I walk the stage to receive my PhD, I had a flash of her face that went through my mind and I thought \u201cYou know, I\u2019d love to go see her.\u201d I ended up working with youth shortly after that period and I heard story after story of kids that either heard that same thing from her or from other people. We have to be so careful about the words that we say. Like I said a person\u2019s destiny is a very delicate matter.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>: Yes! Do you think that that was part of your motivation for pursuing continued education in this area and writing the book and all that?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr. Tony Marchese<\/strong>: I can only say this, I\u2019ve always had a pretty strong sense of self and I\u2019ve been pretty self confident. I\u2019m here in the timeline of history for a reason and that really has driven me to make a lot of decisions that I have. I don\u2019t like to hear people tell me you can\u2019t do something. So I do think that it did act as a motivator. I really can\u2019t fully explain it. I think that some people maybe are a little bit more resilient than others.<\/p>\n<p>I know that other individuals may have heard those kinds of words and there\u2019s nothing wrong with working in a blue color job. There\u2019s nothing wrong doing a vocational or low tech type of thing at all. We need those professions but I know of so many individuals over the course of my 20-plus-year career who ended up choosing a different path that really wasn\u2019t aligned with where they really were at and with what their birthright gifts or their entelechies said. For them in many cases, they do engage in a transactional approach to life and its life is lost, its joy or its magic I guess you could say, that wonder that I write about in the book.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> Yeah. It\u2019s hard for me to see people not living into the fullness of who they are, not that it\u2019s kind of idealistic but that is hard. It\u2019s hard to see wasted human potential. It\u2019s very painful almost.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr. Tony Marchese<\/strong>: Yeah, and I truly believe that the world suffers every time an individual lets that flame, that spark, get pushed down and smothered. Like I said, I don\u2019t think that I\u2019m unique at all in the sense that I\u2019m in this timeline in history and in this place. I think everyone of this are here for a very, very specific purpose. And I think that when we just become consumers of life, we just become consumers of oxygen when we go to our jobs and we come home and really don\u2019t have any sense of destiny, any sense of a purpose. We just kind of go to the motion.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s hard to know what kind of an impact that really has because I don\u2019t think that our gifts, I don\u2019t think that those things that captivated us as a child that we\u2019re just kind of emerging but meant to be nurtured and cultivated to move that acorn towards that oak tree. It\u2019s hard to really calculate, to quantify what that impact really has upon our role.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>: I really appreciated the fact that at the end of your book, you gave so many exercises and things that people could actually do to write their own manual for themselves. I wonder if you would mind sharing a little bit about it with us that Creative Disruption exercise. I love it. Would you share that with us? Maybe some of us are stuck. Maybe some of us are feeling like we\u2019re in a day-to-day grind and it\u2019s just more comfortable there. Maybe there\u2019s more for us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr. Tony Marchese<\/strong>:\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m happy to do that. Creative Disruption is the concept of really altering patterns of your life. There are certain patterns. I could go through all kinds of them that I have been following or engaging for probably 20 or 30 years. We all have those kinds of things. We have our routines. We have a way to go about things. The idea of Creative Disruption is an experiment basically and it\u2019s the idea of picking something, choosing something one of those things in our routine.<\/p>\n<p>So for example, one idea might be that you wake up in the working and you\u2019re still in bed and the first thing you do is you turn on the news and you watch the news. Well, you might find later in the day that you really are sort of preoccupied with negativity. You\u2019re really preoccupied with a sense of some just \u201cUh there\u2019s just so much bad stuff in the world.\u201d It really brings you down. I know that it does to me sometimes.<\/p>\n<p>So you\u2019ve been doing this for years and years and years, so the idea of Creative Disruption would be to maybe instead of doing that, maybe reverse that. And instead of lying in bed for half an hour watching the news, you get up and you go workout or you go for a walk. You do that for a week and just see if you learn something about yourself. See what kind of an impact that there has on your life. Another great thing is that some people absolutely have to have noise. They have to have noise all the time.<\/p>\n<p>A great Creative Disruption exercise is to turn it off during a specific time and just see what it\u2019s like to be alone with your own thoughts. It might be scary but you might come upon a great idea or strategy or a new awareness. Another one is that a lot of people don\u2019t journal at all, and I think that there\u2019s so much stuff that bombarding our senses every day and it can be absolutely overwhelming. I think that rather maybe watching that 30-minute show that you like to watch maybe have it recorded and watch it another time. But during that time when you normally watch it, spend 30 minutes and journal about your day.<\/p>\n<p>I find that in the act of journaling for example, it\u2019s a way of getting all that stuff that\u2019s all bottled up within us and it\u2019s just making us anxious. It gets out and it puts down on a paper where you can kind of step back and see what\u2019s going on. A lot of times, I find that many people have epiphanies of sorts as they do that. It really is a very therapeutic exercise, so creative disruption can take on so many different forms but it\u2019s in experiment, in changing your routine, disrupting the norm in very intentional ways to see if something emerges about yourself that could be helpful. At many times, people continue on of those that it becomes a new routine for a while.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>: Yeah. That\u2019s super powerful but I will say that like most people don\u2019t want to change that kind of thing. They don\u2019t want to try. It\u2019s scary, so what do you say to that person? \u201cI don\u2019t wanna change. I don\u2019t wanna change.\u201d You know, they always say that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr. Tony Marchese<\/strong>: Well, I say that the worst thing that I think you could do is to try to change everything all at once; you know. I think the idea is to identify little things and again things are somewhat safe, things that are disruptions, but aren\u2019t a complete kind of a thing. The whole final chapter of my book, the chapter entitled Deciphering your Design is all about what that process looks like.<\/p>\n<p>So yes, full of different activities. Several of those could happen within the context of a retreat which I talked about, you know, going on a personal retreat. Not many of us are able to do that with their lifestyles or the way they are, but maybe blackout 30 minutes a day or if you\u2019re lucky an hour a day or a couple of hours a week in your calendar and you work on some of these things that are in that chapter. Do some of these activities that are there.<\/p>\n<p>Some of them are just kind of thinking and throws some questions and to kind of really understand a lot of things from way back. Because again, I think that some of the greatest _____ ourselves in what would ultimately make us happy now when we go back 20, 30, 50, or 60 years depending how old you were. So this process of deciphering your design, it requires some concentration and it requires of being in an environment that\u2019s kind of free from disruption where you can really think and process and reflect. But like I said, not everybody can literally go away for a week and do that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>: I do like the idea of a retreat though because I think it might be an easier way to then come back. If you go away and get a start on it in a different space that\u2019s just make a huge difference. You don\u2019t have your normal responsibilities and relationships maybe that you\u2019re taking care of and you\u2019re able to get out of that and start to think about it and then come back and do the creative disruptions, the other kind of creative disruptions. I think that\u2019s a really great way to do it because you\u2019re ready. You have to set your mind ahead of time and your heart ahead of time too \u201cYou know what; I don\u2019t wanna change this one little thing and try it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I think it\u2019s really hard for people to do it right in the middle of what they\u2019re doing unless they\u2019re already really hungry or in great deal of pain.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr. Tony Marchese<\/strong>: I think that\u2019s true and in some cases, sometimes the people that I talk with at that place, they\u2019re really kind of along the edge where they just had enough. But for others, it\u2019s not quite to that point yet and that\u2019s good and sometimes it\u2019s more of a subtle process.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>: Yeah. And I think if we were to view pain as the opportunity to make changes that need to be made, you know, that is a very motivating factor so maybe we don\u2019t need to run away from pain and we don\u2019t need to resist it so much as look at it and say \u201cOK, what need to change? What do I want to change?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr. Tony Marchese<\/strong>: Some of that pain you know, Andrea, is connected to our gifts. I mentioned earlier the idea of dream stealer and again I found almost everyone that I talked to can relate to that in some way whether they\u2019re a parent, a coach, a teacher, or a boss. All of these probably have some experience of that type of person who really, really encouraged us to keep our feet on the ground. For some, they kind of dig a hole and bury yourself. In many ways, those words are targeted around that persons birthright gifts or their entelechies.<\/p>\n<p>So that process of discovering, deciphering, or design is a lot of times painful because it forces us to go back and to kind of face that person. Maybe that person is no longer alive but it requires us to really consider the impact of their words and how harmful they were and how wrong they were. Ultimately were responsible for our own lives and we\u2019re responsible for nurturing our gifts and trying to make a difference and I think for a very few people, it\u2019s an easy process.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> Yeah. Yeah, don\u2019t play the victim. You don\u2019t have to be a victim.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr. Tony Marchese<\/strong>: No.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>: Yeah, we are responsible. I love that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr. Tony Marchese<\/strong>: You know and the idea of the other thing is that just as there are dream stealers, there are also dream starters. The dream starters are those individuals who don\u2019t just see as we are but they see us as we could become, you know, they spot our entelechies.<\/p>\n<p>Fred Rogers said \u201cAs human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has &#8211; or ever will have &#8211; something inside that is unique at all time. It\u2019s our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I just really think that we need to be aware of the words that we share with other people and maybe we\u2019ve been a dream stealer to someone, maybe we\u2019ve inadvertently causing individual not to pursue something that they probably were supposed to do. I just think that we just need to be very aware of that and to make sure that we\u2019re being a dream starter in someone else\u2019s life.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> That\u2019s great! Yes, let\u2019s be dream starters! Well, thank you so much for your time with us today and sharing all of your wisdom and all of the knowledge that you\u2019ve gained over the years on this particular topic especially Design and your passion behind it. It\u2019s very inspiring.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr. Tony Marchese<\/strong>: Well, thank you so much. It\u2019s been a great opportunity and I really, really appreciate the chance to be on your podcast.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>: Sure and where should I send the people? Where do you want people to come find you and your book?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr. Tony Marchese<\/strong>: Well my book is available online. I\u2019m on Amazon, if they just do a search for <em>Design: An Owner\u2019s Manual to Learning, Living, and Leading<\/em> <em>with Purpose<\/em>. Or search Design and Marchese. It\u2019s available in all major online booksellers and they can also find out more about me at anthonyjmarchese.com.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong> That\u2019s great. Well, link to all of that in the show notes for listeners to get really easy for them. Well, thank you again and let\u2019s go big dream starters.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr. Tony Marchese<\/strong>: Let\u2019s do that. Well, have a great day. Thank you so much!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;Don&#8217;t you wish that babies came with owner&#8217;s manuals?!&#8221; We&#8217;ve all wish we could understand our kids, loved ones, friends and coworkers better at one time or another. But what about understanding ourselves? Maybe it&#8217;s self-awareness that can help us know what direction to go in life and how to communicate with others. 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