{"id":4013,"date":"2020-09-08T03:30:55","date_gmt":"2020-09-08T08:30:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/?p=4013"},"modified":"2020-09-07T07:12:13","modified_gmt":"2020-09-07T12:12:13","slug":"why-dont-people-trust-experts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/why-dont-people-trust-experts\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Don&#8217;t People Trust Experts?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/3.jpg?ssl=1\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-4014 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/3.jpg?resize=760%2C428&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"Voice of Influence Podcast Andrea Joy Wenburg\" width=\"760\" height=\"428\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/3.jpg?w=960&amp;ssl=1 960w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/3.jpg?resize=300%2C169&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/3.jpg?resize=768%2C432&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/3.jpg?resize=760%2C428&amp;ssl=1 760w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/3.jpg?resize=518%2C291&amp;ssl=1 518w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/3.jpg?resize=82%2C46&amp;ssl=1 82w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/3.jpg?resize=600%2C338&amp;ssl=1 600w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 760px) 100vw, 760px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"border: none;\" src=\"\/\/html5-player.libsyn.com\/embed\/episode\/id\/15912995\/height\/90\/theme\/custom\/thumbnail\/yes\/direction\/backward\/render-playlist\/no\/custom-color\/f2b836\/\" width=\"100%\" height=\"90\" scrolling=\"no\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>With all of the global crises that have happened this year, people are stressed and we\u2019re finding ourselves in the middle of a great divide when it comes to our perspectives on many important topics and it\u2019s certainly having an impact on how we\u2019re able to be a voice of influence.<\/p>\n<p>In this episode, Rosanne and I discuss the growing lack of respect and trust for expertise and how you can get people to buy into your ideas in spite of that, the parallels between parenting and getting buy-in on your ideas from those around you, the importance of understanding that some people react based on logic while others react based on emotion, the value of taking actions to calm a situation rather than escalate it and the role self-awareness plays in that process, and more!<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2>Transcript<\/h2>\n<p>Hey there!\u00a0 Welcome to the Voice of Influence podcast. \u00a0I\u2019m Andrea Wenburg and Rosanne is with me again today.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to have a good conversation here in just a minute. \u00a0And we want to set it up a little bit by explaining, in case you haven\u2019t been around much or if you didn\u2019t realize what we\u2019re really about.\u00a0 Voice of Influence serves leaders and subject matter experts by helping them navigate personal and interpersonal human dynamics in order to effectively engage others and carry out their strategic mission.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>So, if you are somebody who are in leadership, you have some expertise, and you really want to get that into the hands of the people that need it, we\u2019re here to help you do that because there\u2019s a lot going on that can get in the way of that happening. \u00a0And so, we\u2019re going to talk about that a little bit today.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Now, just so you know, if you are interested in growing in your own social emotional intelligence, so that you can handle difficult conversations, feedback conversations, or things that need to happen between two people.\u00a0 You\u2019re wanting to convince somebody of something or you\u2019re wanting to confront them about something, and you want to do this with more ease.\u00a0 Well, we have a free mini course for you, and we\u2019re so excited about it, and in under 30 minutes, you\u2019re going to learn how to implement our proprietary model so that your conversations have a deep impact on others.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Go to voiceofinfluence.net and hit the podcast tab and there you\u2019ll find more information about our free course the Deep Impact method.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>:\u00a0 Rosanne, welcome back to the show.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rosanne Moore<\/strong>:\u00a0 It\u2019s good to be here.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>:\u00a0 And we\u2019ve kind of been trying to talk through some of the things that we want to talk about today. \u00a0So, I\u2019m just going to kind of let you set us up.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rosanne Moore<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well, we have talked a lot recently about how we see what you\u2019ve referred to as the great divide, this divide in our nation with people. with different worldviews and how in this past year, in 2020, it\u2019s become more problematic with all of the crises that are going on globally and nationally. \u00a0People are stressed, they\u2019re tired, and it\u2019s caused an even sharper division in perspective. \u00a0So, talk to me about that, Andrea, what do you see happening?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I think the thing that kind of most concerns me for our audience in particular, has to do with the growing lack of respect for expertise in general.\u00a0 And not just a lack of respect, but it\u2019s also just general confusion about where should I get my information? \u00a0Who can I trust? \u00a0How do I know that I can trust somebody and what they\u2019re telling me?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rosanne Moore<\/strong>:\u00a0 Right.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, my dad grew up, \u201cYou just trust the doctor.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cThe doctor tells you what to do, and you just trust them.\u201d \u00a0And now there\u2019s a lot more for good cause and good reason, people are advocating for themselves more in their own healthcare, which is good.\u00a0 And yet, some of this finding your own voice and advocating for yourself, asking questions has turned into more cynicism and skepticism of what experts really provide.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rosanne Moore<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yeah, I mean, we\u2019ve talked about how an expert is someone who really has devoted themselves to a subject so that they learned the nuances of it. \u00a0And so assuming that, because you have a piece of information, that\u2019s equal in weight to somebody who\u2019s looked at all of the nuances of something, that can be dangerous.\u00a0 It\u2019s got to be frustrating for our listeners who are experts in their field when they try to bring something and they\u2019re not heard.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right, right. \u00a0So, as a listener, maybe you have experienced this yourself where you have expertise to share but it\u2019s not necessarily being taken with the same level of trust and \u201cOkay, sure, I\u2019ll do what you suggest.\u201d \u00a0Or maybe you\u2019ve got a change that needs to be made in your working environment, and you know that this is the right thing to do, you know, that this is the best thing to do, but you\u2019re having a hard time getting people on board with it.\u00a0 And I think that part of what we\u2019re seeing in 2020 is this general like, confusion about like, \u201cWhy should I trust you?\u201d \u00a0\u201cWhy should I do what you suggest to do?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rosanne Moore<\/strong>:\u00a0 So, what should a leader do? \u00a0I mean, how do they get buy in on essential change? \u00a0That\u2019s something that our organization specializes in. \u00a0So, share some of that, Andrea, what has led you in your thinking about this topic?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>:\u00a0 Hmm.\u00a0 Well, you know, I sort of grew up watching my teachers and there are other students in my classes.\u00a0 And it was just really observing when people actually understanding the teacher and taking in their information and obeying the rules of the classroom and when where they not and why.\u00a0 Why was this happening? \u00a0I was constantly asking this question that was rolling around in my mind and kind of got to the point where I\u2019d start to predict that when a teacher would say something, I\u2019d be like, \u201cThey\u2019re not gonna be able to understand that.\u201d\u00a0 And then I\u2019d try to think of a new way to explain it to somebody, you know, not because I always knew.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I would oftentimes have to ask the questions myself and figure out what they\u2019re trying to say or what they\u2019re trying to accomplish. \u00a0And then perhaps every once in a while, you know, be a translator for another student in the class.\u00a0 I needed a translator sometimes too but the point is that I just sort of have been studying this even as a kid. \u00a0And so, you know, I\u2019ve continued to pursue that through my education, in my post secondary education.\u00a0 And then I became a mom and, Roseanne, when you\u2019re a mom, you have to really negotiate. \u00a0You have to be really good at getting people, little people to comply with what you have to say.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rosanne Moore<\/strong>: \u00a0Right, absolutely into to make sure you\u2019re getting behind their eyes so that you understand where the breakdown is. \u00a0So, you\u2019re not trying to fix something that\u2019s not broken and missing what is.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right. \u00a0And this story comes to mind about 10 years ago, my daughter, she was about three. \u00a0We had continually gotten into this situation where I would tell her to do something or tell her it was time to do something; she would start to be upset about being told what to do. \u00a0And then I would get stern like I grew up thinking I should do.\u00a0 I should be stern and I should take control of the situation, \u201cI\u2019m the mom here.\u201d and give her that mom look, you know.\u00a0 And that would set her off even more and the situation would just escalate.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>So, of course, I\u2019m given a child that is not ideal for my way of interacting and moving in the world. \u00a0I mean, you know, I had a whole plan for parenting before I started parenting.\u00a0 Don\u2019t we all before we start?\u00a0 And I think this is so applicable to all of life. \u00a0So, that\u2019s the reason why I\u2019m telling this story.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>But anyway, so this has been happening quite a bit. \u00a0And one night, it was it was about time for bed and I said, \u201cAmelia, why don\u2019t you go brush your teeth?\u201d \u00a0And she looked at me and she said, she didn\u2019t want to brush her teeth and I don\u2019t remember exactly how that came out or I had no idea why.\u00a0 But it just felt like a, \u201cI don\u2019t want to do it because you just told me to do it, so therefore I don\u2019t want to do it.\u201d\u00a0 And there was this pushback and I thought for a second, I was going to do the mom look and get really stern. \u00a0And then I thought about it for a second, I\u2019m like, \u201cThere\u2019s something else going on here.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>And I had been studying other things. \u00a0So, I have a background in psychology and theology and some other things, and I\u2019d been studying this for myself and trying to understand myself and why I was so irritated sometimes. \u00a0I would get really angry, irrationally so, and I didn\u2019t always know why. \u00a0And then I started to really think about it. \u00a0I\u2019m like, \u201cYou know what, when I\u2019m really angry\u2026\u201d sort of prickly like a porcupine, feeling attacked or whatever it might be, \u201cI want to just punch people.\u201d\u00a0 You know, not actually physically but that\u2019s what my presence is. \u00a0I want to punch back.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>But what I realized that I needed was I needed somebody to come calm me down because I didn\u2019t actually want to do that, I actually wanted to cry. \u00a0And I didn\u2019t want to admit that I wanted to cry. \u00a0But there was something inside of me that was sad and I needed help, like I was reacting in anger. \u00a0And that\u2019s a normal thing for people to do to react out of that anger instead of reacting out of sadness.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>So, when I looked at my daughter and things were going in that direction of escalation, I have one way of thinking about this, she has another. \u00a0We\u2019re both feeling disrespected right now. \u00a0And I feel like as a parent, I should be able to take control of the situation. \u00a0But instead I looked at her and I thought, \u201cWhat if she is acting like a porcupine, but she really just needs somebody to help her calm down.\u00a0 Maybe I could be compassionate and help her calm down instead of being angry and forcing her to do what I told her to do and ending up in a big power struggle, and everybody being frustrated.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>So, I just looked at my little girl with her fiery eyes and I knelt down on the floor, and I reached out my hands and I just kind of opened up my arms. \u00a0I had no idea what would happen. \u00a0And as soon as she saw me do that, she came in and kind of fell into my arms and started to cry.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rosanne Moore<\/strong>:\u00a0 Ohh!<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>:\u00a0 Why, because I asked her to brush her teeth?\u00a0 No.\u00a0 You know, like there was so much more going on in that moment underneath the surface. \u00a0And so, of course, I sort of teared up too, and I\u2019m kind of tearing up right now thinking about it again.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rosanne Moore<\/strong>:\u00a0 I am too just listening.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong>\u00a0 Because this has played out many, many times since then in our relationship. \u00a0And I\u2019ve realized that there\u2019s something else going on inside of my daughter that is causing her to react with that kind of prickliness. \u00a0And the same thing happens with me.\u00a0 She starts to be disrespectful of me, so then I feel disrespected and then I get prickly and only it furthers the process.\u00a0 It only further escalates the whole thing.\u00a0 So, I think that moment taught me something so huge, because after I gave her that hug and I just held her for a little bit, it was not hard to have her go brush her teeth.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>That was not the issue. \u00a0It was just the simple like, maybe it was me asking her to change course in the middle of, you know, her playing and she didn\u2019t want to stop.\u00a0 It could have been that she felt like I didn\u2019t care what she thought and I was already starting to look at her with a face that was the stern mom look and she doesn\u2019t feel loved and that she feels disrespected and so that she was reacting to that. \u00a0It could have been a number of things. \u00a0But I think that the main thing that I learned from that was that sad is under angry.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rosanne Moore<\/strong>: \u00a0Right.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sad is under angry.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rosanne Moore<\/strong>:\u00a0 And I think what I\u2019m hearing from you too, correct me if I\u2019m wrong, is that if a leader makes the mistake of engaging someone who has an emotional barrier to something and just tries to do it logically, like with a kind of a command thing, they\u2019re not actually going to be heard. \u00a0And so, when you\u2019re running into resistance, it\u2019s important to look for what is taking the person you\u2019re trying to talk to out of a logical place and into an emotional place. \u00a0And if the leader is getting triggered to be in an emotional place, that\u2019s what it sounds like you were doing with Amelia.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rosanne Moore<\/strong>: \u00a0So, being aware on both levels, what\u2019s taking us out of a place of actual dialogue, and I know in my background with teaching special needs kids, the two sides of the brain, the emotional side and the intellectual processing side are different. \u00a0And if you have the emotional side flaring, you\u2019re not going to get anything taught.\u00a0 And so that\u2019s what I hear you saying, am I right in that?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>:\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 So, you know, it kind of goes back to Maslow\u2019s hierarchy of needs. \u00a0People need to feel like they\u2019re taken care of.\u00a0 Their physical needs, their emotional needs are taken care of before they can really start moving in a new direction before they can really start changing something. \u00a0And so, if there is a sense of \u201cI\u2019m not safe right now,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m not respected right now,\u201d then it\u2019s going to be really hard for that person to let down their guard, not fight back, and let down their guard and then be able to actually take in what you have to say at all, let alone make the decision to follow what you\u2019ve said.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I mean that is what we talk about in the Deep Impact method. \u00a0And I seriously want as many people to watch this video series as possible. \u00a0It\u2019s a short course and it\u2019s for free. \u00a0And I want as many people to watch this as possible, because what I\u2019m hearing back from people who have watched it is that it actually is kind of mind shift for the way that they\u2019re talking to people. \u00a0And my hope is that, you know, when we look at our conversations, and we see the other person on the other side, and they are getting emotional, there is an escalation that\u2019s about to take place, or we know that this is what typically happens. \u00a0That we as a voice of influence, that I as a voice of influence will stop and say, \u201cNow wait a second what\u2019s going on here?\u201d \u00a0\u201cWhat do I know that is true about me?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWhat do I know that is possible, like what could they possibly be going through and then how do we move forward from here?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>So, the main point of that particular story is both the fact that there\u2019s something else going on underneath the surface, but then also that if we address the sadness first, we\u2019re going to have a much easier time getting to change. \u00a0If we\u2019re just reacting out of the anger, where I\u2019m angry, you\u2019re angry, we continue to be angry and we don\u2019t address the actual grief of the moment. \u00a0There\u2019s something going on inside of you. \u00a0There\u2019s something going on inside of me that I\u2019m sad, we are sad. \u00a0If we don\u2019t address that, we\u2019re skipping over something vitally important that could get us to a solution much, much quicker.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rosanne Moore<\/strong>:\u00a0 And I think to it as you\u2019re talking, it\u2019s not always your daughter\u2019s reaction was to push back vocally but sometimes people shut down when they\u2019re in grief. \u00a0And so either way, whether they push back or whether they shut down, having that awareness of what\u2019s going on, that\u2019s getting in the way of actually, like being able to dialogue is so important. \u00a0So, when you work with leaders to help them navigate through this undercurrent internal reactions and adoption of changes, obviously, you\u2019re not going to have them go hug them like you did with your daughter. \u00a0So, what process do you recommend?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, first of all, self-awareness.\u00a0 First of all, we all have to kind of look at ourselves and say, I mean, one of the best reasons I was able to actually be able to take this to a new level with my daughter was because I understood about this about that myself. \u00a0So, first of all, what\u2019s going on inside of me right now and why am I so angry? \u00a0And if I am angry, what is sad about this situation?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rosanne Moore<\/strong>:\u00a0 So, you\u2019re in motivation, being aware of what was motivating you was crucial.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Look underneath the surface to say and to be able to ask about this particular situation that I\u2019m in right now, \u201cWhat is sad about this to me?\u201d \u00a0Because if I can be honest about my own, what\u2019s hard about this, what\u2019s difficult about this?\u00a0 Then I can share that with the other person and say, \u201cLook, this is really hard for me.\u00a0 I do not like having to go down this path.\u00a0 But here we are, you know, it\u2019s the beginning of empathy to be able to really understand yourself and be honest about that. \u00a0It helps you to be more empathetic toward the other person.\u00a0 It helps the other person be more empathetic toward you.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rosanne Moore<\/strong>:\u00a0 And I think sometimes it can be fear underneath anger.\u00a0 I see that a lot, you know, that the anger is a safeguard against feeling fear.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, fear and sadness, I think are very similar.\u00a0 There\u2019s the fear, but then there\u2019s the sadness about the fear.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rosanne Moore<\/strong>: \u00a0Right.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, I would I would still get back down to that. \u00a0So, what is going to help calm the situation instead of what\u2019s going to feed the fire? \u00a0So, what does this person need from me to empathize with me?\u00a0 .\u00a0 Fear is sad. \u00a0It\u2019s sad that people are afraid.\u00a0 So anyway, I would go back to what is sad about this situation.\u00a0 Well, it\u2019s sad because I\u2019m absolutely terrified of, you know, whatever might be going on. \u00a0That is sad. \u00a0So, I need to know that about me. \u00a0I need to start to understand what might be going on with that.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>So then, after that self-awareness, then there\u2019s a sense of, \u201cOkay, now I need to be curious and empathetic and respectful of why the other person might be resisting.\u201d \u00a0So, the respect here may not be the kind of respect that is like, \u201cI respect you because you have earned my respect the way that you\u2019ve treated people and your expertise and all that kind of stuff.\u201d\u00a0 It might not be that kind of respect.\u00a0 Instead, it could be the kind of respect that is about the other person actually being a human being. \u00a0I respect the fact that you\u2019re a human being, that you have emotional needs, that you have an experience of all of your own.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>So, if I can start there too, if I understand, \u201cOkay, so I respect that you\u2019re a human being, and that there\u2019s a reason why you\u2019re resisting.\u201d\u00a0 Then I start to can start to ask those questions inside of myself.\u00a0 I can start to kind of dig a little and the other person. \u00a0So, what might be going on? \u00a0Why might they be resisting? \u00a0What might they be sad about?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rosanne Moore<\/strong>:\u00a0 And what if it\u2019s not?\u00a0 Part of it could be at times, not knowing something, right? \u00a0Not having certain skills or resources. \u00a0Sometimes the emotional thing has a very practical component to it. \u00a0Would that not be true?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 So, when we get to this point, the curiosity, the respect, all that kind of thing, then I think that we can look at it in three kinds of components, what might be causing this person to resist; the head, the hands, or the heart?\u00a0 So, the head being what do they still need to know or understand so that they can move forward, so that they don\u2019t feel resistant? \u00a0For the hands, what skills or resources do they need to pull it off? \u00a0And for the heart, what beliefs or feelings are going to need to change?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>First, I think you have to address the fear or the sadness that we were talking about before, at least being able to understand that about the other person. \u00a0And then to ask that question of is there something that you need to be able to move forward? \u00a0Or is there something that\u2019s getting in the way that you don\u2019t understand? \u00a0Is there something else that you need in terms of resources or is there just like you totally are resistant because you don\u2019t agree that this is the right direction to go?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rosanne Moore<\/strong>:\u00a0 You know, talking about this, Andrea, reminds me of a situation that I was in with the birth of my second child.\u00a0 I have had a very traumatic delivery. \u00a0And there was some medical malpractice and mistakes had been made with my first child. \u00a0And so, with my preparing for the birth of my second child, I was very resistant to the idea of letting somebody else make decisions that I didn\u2019t feel comfortable with. \u00a0I had gone into it very trusting the first time, didn\u2019t know a lot, and the second time I was going to be prepared.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>And I can remember interviewing doctors, pediatricians and they picked up immediately.\u00a0 It was not hard kind of wearing it, my resistance to their expertise.\u00a0 I think there were four different ones that I interviewed and the first three responded to that by doubling down on why they were the expert and I was not and I needed to do things, like they needed to call the shots. \u00a0Understandable, obviously, I had not been to medical school; I had not done all the things that they had done.\u00a0 But the last one, when I started asking questions about how he handled things, instead of answering my questions, he asked me a question. \u00a0He said, \u201cDid you have a bad experience?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>:\u00a0 Oh, perfect!<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rosanne Moore<\/strong>:\u00a0 And I told him what had happened and he said, \u201cI\u2019m so sorry that happened to you. \u00a0I can understand why you really want to make sure that your baby is taking care of well this time.\u201d \u00a0And so then he walked back through all those other questions that I had and he explained his expertise, and that\u2019s who I chose.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>:\u00a0 Of course, yes.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rosanne Moore<\/strong>:\u00a0 Now, did he make any suggestions that were different than the others? \u00a0No, he didn\u2019t. \u00a0He held the exact same position, but he was the one I chose because he did engage me on that level.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. \u00a0It so, so good.\u00a0 What a great example, Rosanne. \u00a0I mean, it goes back to that people don\u2019t care what you know until they know that you care.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rosanne Moore<\/strong>:\u00a0 Right.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>:\u00a0 And the reason for that is that they don\u2019t feel safe.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rosanne Moore<\/strong>: \u00a0Yes.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong>\u00a0 People are resisting you and you\u2019re resisting what you have to share with them, your expertise, your knowledge or experience. \u00a0They\u2019re resisting, they\u2019re resisting, they\u2019re resisting. \u00a0There\u2019s something in them that is not feeling safe. \u00a0And so, it may be because of you, it may not.\u00a0 But it\u2019s _____ upon you as the person who is wanting to have, you know, the influence as somebody who cares about other people to ask that question, you know, \u201cWhat might be going on?\u201d \u00a0\u201cIs there a bad experience?\u201d \u00a0Or, you know, it could have been a different situation.\u00a0 It might be a different question, but you stay curious and be respectful of that other person, even though they weren\u2019t at medical school with you. \u00a0Man, that\u2019s so important.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rosanne Moore<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 And all of my birth experiences, quite honestly, that was the best birth experience because both my OB and the pediatrician were very aware of what I had been through the first time and they did everything in their power to make sure that I felt heard and a part of the decisions and respected throughout the process. \u00a0Yeah.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s so good.\u00a0 So, it\u2019s time for us to wrap up, Rosanne.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rosanne Moore<\/strong>: \u00a0Sure.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea<\/strong>:\u00a0 I think that if I were to summarize anything here, or if I just say, please remember this, please remember that sad is under angry. \u00a0Please, remember that.\u00a0 There is a reason why people are angry, and it\u2019s not usually the top response. \u00a0It\u2019s not usually the core response. \u00a0It doesn\u2019t mean that it\u2019s not important. \u00a0Anger is very important. \u00a0And it doesn\u2019t mean that we should write off people\u2019s anger, it means that we need to be curious about why they\u2019re angry and what might be going on inside of them that could actually be sad.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>One more thought on this. \u00a0I\u2019ve got a question for you, the listener. \u00a0When do you feel most close to people, when you\u2019re arguing with them or when they tear up?\u00a0 And maybe you start to give them a hug or, you know, maybe you don\u2019t touch them.\u00a0 But, I mean, we feel closer to people when we can see that they\u2019re actual human beings. \u00a0And we\u2019re not just arguing on a on this other level, that is maybe just about things that are on the surface that we\u2019re not really getting down underneath.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>And so, if we can get down underneath, if we can feel that empathy for the other person\u2019s human experience that is vitally important. \u00a0If you have expertise, it\u2019s vitally important that you understand that you can\u2019t just share your expertise.\u00a0 You\u2019re going to have to be an expert on people too.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>So, the rest of this month, we\u2019re going to be talking about this particular topic. \u00a0Next week we\u2019re going to be airing an interview that I did with Dr. Espen Klausen, the psychologist on The Psychology Behind Personal Change. \u00a0Then we\u2019ll take another look at that and we\u2019re going to just dive a little bit deeper here the rest of the month on this particular topic.\u00a0 We\u2019re kind of excited about taking a little deeper dive. \u00a0It\u2019s sort of like a theme we\u2019ve got running right now, Rosanne,<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rosanne Moore<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 So, if you want to become more effective in conversations where you\u2019re encouraging an individual to make change, whether it\u2019s in a formal situation an annual review or responding to feedback on the job, or whether it\u2019s just in a passing conversation.\u00a0 We started out by talking about the deep divide in our nation, maybe you have family members that you want to be able to engage better or there\u2019s someone close to you that needs to take more responsibility for something, a bad habit they\u2019re stuck in. \u00a0We have a free mini course that\u2019s available for you.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>And Andrea already made reference to this at the top of the show, but go to voiceofinfluence.net\/podcasts and you can find information on the Deep Impact method. \u00a0Also, if you want to work one on one with Andrea but you\u2019re not sure what that would look like for your specific business situation, we recommend starting with the Clarify your Voice Call. \u00a0Again, you can go to voiceofinfluence.net and hit the contact button there and ask to learn more about clarifying your voice.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andrea:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you, Roseanne. \u00a0All right, so your voice matters, let\u2019s make it matter more!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>With all of the global crises that have happened this year, people are stressed and we\u2019re finding ourselves in the middle of a great divide when it comes to our perspectives on many important topics and it\u2019s certainly having an impact on how we\u2019re able to be a voice of influence. In this episode, Rosanne [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":4014,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[276],"tags":[453,658,739,738,283,269,270],"class_list":["post-4013","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-podcast","tag-andrea-joy-wenburg","tag-change","tag-expertise","tag-experts","tag-influence","tag-podcast","tag-voice-of-influence"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/3.jpg?fit=960%2C540&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6jZPB-12J","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4013","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4013"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4013\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4016,"href":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4013\/revisions\/4016"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4014"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4013"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4013"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/andreajoywenburg.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4013"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}